Everyone can tell you something their mother used to say (or still does say) with the regularity of a Swiss watch. This Momma is absolutely no different. Well, at least not in terms of the regularity part… Wonder what my children will say I always say?
In no particular order, these are ten things my children remember me telling them…
Do not pick your nose. You’ll turn crazy.”
I cannot stand to see a child pointing at its brain with one finger buried to the second knuckle in a nostril. It seems perfectly plausible for me to tell them by inserting their fingers into their noses they would be disturbing the grey matter enough to make them undeniably insane.
I am going cat kiss you.”
I am going to cat kiss you.
Have you ever had a cat? You know how they kiss with those sandpaper tongues. This was never a threat. It was a warning of the inevitable as a reward for the behavior which just makes you want to throttle them if you could only stop laughing long enough.
Specificity is the rule.”
The rules were always simple and easy to follow. Many requests were granted to prove the validity of this rule. When one of my children says, “I want to hold you,” I gladly wrap my arms around their shoulders and lift a leg onto their hips for them to pick me up. While it normally ends in a giggling dog pile on the floor, specificity is the rule.
This goes hand-in-hand with Be careful what you ask for, as you may well get it.
If you do not go to the bathroom, do not barf on my floor.”
The digestive tract has a finite boundary. Much like house plumbing, when the flow is stemmed, the system backs up. One child in particular remembers this comment from her potty-training days… when she was not yet two years old. Who says children remember nothing before they are four?
…I am going to spank you until I feel better.”
As one who does not do a lot of spanking, this quote always comes as a warning. It is always prefaced with If you do not cease and desist __________________, … Since spanking is never for the child, it stands to reason, parents should stop when they feel better.
Get out of my nose.”
Not drawn to scale. Can hold as many as three children at a time.
Many parents choose a different part of the anatomy for this particular quote. For me, they are normally standing before me for the umpteenth time, or for the third consecutive hour, requesting the same thing which has previously been denied or deferred.
You do not have a reason to cry, but that oversight can easily be rectified.”
There are three levels of drama with the children. I lay claim to one drama princess (Middle V), one drama queen (Big V) and one drama empress (Little V). Yes, they did not come in superlative order; however, they each can crank the faucet on the waterworks at the mere mention of impending (punishment, denial, need to wait three minutes).
Surely, you jest.”
This is the verbal equivalent of the face palm. This quote makes its appearance when some grand design is explained. Amazingly, until it is uttered the gigantic flaw in the plan is not revealed, even though it is been repeated to everyone involved in the planning before it is brought to me for final approval.
Did you break it?”
Children have accidents. Often asking them if they broke the object with which they came into Kamikaze contact is enough to diffuse the panic and level the head to determine the true amount of bodily injury, if any. Bruised egos are quickly forgotten using this question.
My favorite use of this quote, and there have been many, was to my 19-year-old son, when he was two. Upon falling from his tricycle, tears were impending. Before the first one could emerge, I ask him if he broke the driveway. He looked down and burst into tears. Pointing at a crack in the concrete, he wailed, “Yes, ma’am!”
I loved you first.”
All of my children at some point have had the argument over who loves whom more. In the end, I have the trump card. I loved them first.
Happy Mother’s Day!
Do you remember a quote your mother told you as a child? Do you have one you tell your children?
© Red Dwyer 2012
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Derek Mansker
/ May 13, 2012My mother would tell me, “I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it.”
Derek Mansker recently posted..Isn’t this an overreaction? – 2 Kings 2:23-25
Red
/ May 13, 2012LOL! There are a lot of mothers who say that. Mine is a bit different…You do realize my bringing your into the world is an oversight which can be remedied, right? I like to give them options 😉
Michael Burgess
/ May 13, 2012Two things my mom would say have stood me in good stead in everything from job interviews, to dissertation writing, to standing on stage… impeccable grammar and good posture.
“Michael, don’t talk like an idiot.”
“Get your shoulders back, quit slouching”
Red
/ May 13, 2012ROFL! Very good advice, indeed. Sounds like your mother was on the ball, Michael.
Michael Burgess on Facebook
/ May 13, 2012Two things my mom would say have stood me in good stead in everything from job interviews, to dissertation writing, to standing on stage… impeccable grammar and good posture.
“Michael, don’t talk like an idiot.More…
Androgoth
/ May 13, 2012Happy Mommas Day Red 🙂 😉
Androgoth XXx
Red
/ May 13, 2012Thank you, Andro. 🙂
Angela Young
/ May 14, 2012Hop you had a wOnderful Mothere’s Day! Does it out that my Mom said “what’s wrong with you?” lol. It’s amazing how these things get passed down.
Angela Young recently posted..Um, “Happy” Mother’s Day–Part II
Red
/ May 14, 2012LOL! You know the Little Bear does not say much. One of the things he says perfectly is What’s the matter with you> I am so glad he did not learn Little V’s version, which was always (in very Brooklyn accent) What’sa matta for you? ROFL!
valentinelogar
/ May 14, 2012My grandmother said it, my dad said it, I said it…must be a Texas thing;
I will tear a knot in that narrow ass of yours, bring it here.
To which whoever’s narrow ass was in question would proceed to pump the legs attached in the opposite direction.
valentinelogar recently posted..Zaftig in a Mirror
Red
/ May 14, 2012That is so funny. It is a Texas thing. My grandmother said it, but she thought ass was too crass for her to say. She always replaced it with “head”. It normally met with a similar reaction.
Binky
/ May 14, 2012I remember lots of things from when I was 3, but none of those sayings above, so therefore you must not be my momma.
Binky recently posted..Full Brain
Red
/ May 14, 2012LOL! By age three, my children had heard most all of these more than once!! That does not mean I cannot adopt you, Binky. I have lots of children (of all ages) who call me Momma Bear.
Binky
/ May 14, 2012Adoption sounds good! I think Fraz is already sleeping in your trailer.
Binky recently posted..Full Brain
Red
/ May 14, 2012He is. He likes the top bunk.
Deb
/ May 15, 2012When I was small my mother use to say, “Finish what you start,” “Never give up,” “If you don’t try, you’ve already lost the battle.” I have no idea what she may have said when I was 3 though. But those 3 I mentioned are worth their weight in gold.
Red, I’ve been enjoying your Mother’s Day posts very much. Thank you for sharing all this with us.
Hope you had a great Mother’s Day.
Hugs xx
Deb recently posted..Stormy Sunset
Red
/ May 15, 2012Oh, those are three very good ones! I especially love the last one. Momma said something similar, but hers was Do something, even if it is wrong. Better to do something amiss and learn than to venture nothing. {HUGZ} Red. xxx
lorrelee1970
/ May 18, 2012Love it. I tell my kids I’m going to rip their arms off and use their hands to beat them.
lorrelee1970 recently posted..Friday Frenzy (5/18/12)
Red
/ May 18, 2012I always tell them I am going to use the bloody end….