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Muse for Monday

MantraMantra has been focused on a trending topic on M3. While she may not be reading each week’s SEP, she is in tune with the moving topics and what the average Internet surfer is using to find out what M3 has to offer…specifically, M3′s most popular post: And then there were none.

One of the hardest parts of friendship is not just knowing when it is over but being able to call it quits without a boat load of drama, hurt feelings and regrets.

Knowing it is over is as clear as scoring on the ten point scale. You and Quaint have run into that brick wall where one or both of you is below a five and some event has shattered the relationship. The top deal breakers are always:

  • Integrity
  • Honesty
  • Forgiveness

While occasionally compassion is the problem, it is only when Quaint is the one who hurt the feelings. True friendship can normally survive the choosing of sides by merely agreeing to disagree. But…

When it comes to fundamentals, this no longer applies. Failing to see eye-to-eye on such key issues as influence of religious beliefs and variance in fidelity definitions are generally not reparable, as they are pervasive beliefs which govern our interpersonal relationships and the prevalence we give honesty.

Time heals.

Many of the rocky starts to friendship are ironed out over time. As you learn the boundaries of where feelings get hurt, both yours and Quaint’s, there are fewer calls for forgiveness. These lessons are not singular to any one friendship. Many of them are applicable to all friends. Wisdom truly comes with age.

Or does it?

Mantra has identified a friend whose arrested development hinders all relationships. Everyone has met someone like this.

This person believes their own press. They perpetuate the sanitized version of everything in their past. Every episode stars their brilliance, ability, talent or overall superiority to every other person who has ever drawn a breath.

Everything they have ever owned was the first, best, limited edition or one of a kind made solely with them in mind, named after them and immortalized by the manufacturer as the corporate crowning achievement in all media ever after.

These people have the ability to see the fault in everyone except themselves…even you. Yes, this Quaint is the proverbial black pot.

The endless stream of complaints is about juvenile handling of everything, the eternal unfairness of life and how Eeyore’s cloud was really borrowed from them. It is a lament to their status as the victim.

Never once, since the day they were born, has anything ever been their fault. From all personally delivered accounts, they have never been wrong.

Really?

Mantra has a very simple message for these people. The poem is simply named Grow Up. She makes her point in a bit of narrative poetry.

Grow Up

Once upon a time gone by
We were joined at the hip.
Every social function,
Gathering  or vacation trip.

As the days added up,
The light began to shine.
I caught the little lies,
Started to hear you whine

About things you could change
Or fix or simply let go.
I asked you if you were stoned
Or just stupid. You said, “No.”

I went home to think and
Had to just scratch my head.
So many lies and complaints.
DOA. The trust was dead.

The answer was simple.
The relationship was over.
So many other friends to enjoy,
Many more to discover.

Paths diverged, and once again
The sun shone bright and clear,
Until in the square we met.
An intercept course did you steer.

Diversion would not happen.
So, I was cordial at least.
Not publicly necessary for me
To point out the mark of the beast.

Once again our paths crossed,
But I was far less polite.
You shoved an innocent child
Before me to catch my sight.

If you read faces half as well
As you read telephone book ads,
Maybe, you would have noticed,
My expression was not glad.

Disgusted, angry, frustrated-
Good descriptors, indeed.
Body language screaming “Away!”
Yet, you paid it no heed.

Between us a comfortable silence grew.
And not the pregnant kind either.
The distance which grows the heart forgetful.
Think of you? Why would I bother?

Rather than leave me peacefully
To my own devices and plans,
You insist on sticking your fingers
In the pot, stirring to beat the band.

Finally, I’ve had enough, and
Call you out for your impudence.
I’m validated by the watching crowd
Who’s heard your rehearsed innocence.

Its tinny cacophony grates the ears
Like nails on a chalkboard.
Then, comes the clinched moan
Of falling on your paper martyr’s sword.

Be gone before the curtain falls,
Puppet on the charade stage.
All see through the scenes and lines
Unfit for someone of your age.

300620120207
(c) Ann Marie Dwyer

 ~~~~~~~~~~

When was the last time you befriended this person? Have you ever actively ended a friendship? Are you content just to stop making contact and let them fade away from simple neglect?


(c) Red Dwyer 2012
Re-Blogging of this or any other post on Momma’s Money Matters
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31 Comments

  1. That’s kinda funny… this is yesterday’s post – I mean cause I am commenting today.. but you wrote about growing up and I wrotr about Recess..

    anyways.. This person in the poem… the lat time I was friends with them… they made a very public exit witnessed by a few that are here… And before the grand finale of of woe is he… each step transpired.. stirring the pot, etc etc…

    I was going to say oh no ..huh uh but I had that kinda weird feeling.. not very pleasant that told me that I completely recognize this person… to the point that I wonder if you were friends with the same one too ;-)
    Lizzie Cracked recently posted..We all need Recess, Mid-Afternoon Mental MomentMy Profile

    Reply
    • I have been acquainted with this person many times. Fortunately, I only got to the friendship stage with a couple. As to posting alike…great minds work that way ;) <3

      Reply
  2. Sue T.

     /  July 10, 2012

    I knew this girl. Many years ago and I just let it fade away. She was a very manipulative person, she had no remorse for the minds she twisted, she didn’t care how you felt by the things she would do and I cut her loose.

    I saw her another time, her fake smile and I couldn’t believe I’d ever bothered, because I knew how she was from the beginning but I didn’t think it would be as despicable and twisted as she really was. It’s a shame when these things happen.

    Reply
    • They never do seem to think anyone will see through them. I bet you can spot them more easily now, though. Great to see you tonight, Sue.

      Reply
  3. I had long term friendships with three of these people, all professing to “love” me. I went through a year of ending them. I did it directly, saying I wanted no more contact, and cut it off abruptly. I never imagined the relief and freedom I felt. From then on, I only chose friends who were true adults and able to reciprocate. It’s been a wonderful life!
    Gail Thornton recently posted..Poem – Just One WordMy Profile

    Reply
    • The biggest thing is they have no idea what it really is to love a friend. Good for you for cutting them loose. Sounds as though you have done a great job in finding true friends! Gail, is your blog listed in the Green Room? (Link above the header.)

      Reply
  4. Thank you, Red. It’s true that to love one is to know one. I never felt as if I was known by those people. Now I understand my friends and feel deeply known. My blog is not listed in the Green Room, Red. I have a link to M3 on my blog – are you inviting me?
    Best,
    Gail
    Gail Thornton recently posted..Poem – Just One WordMy Profile

    Reply
    • Yes, do go to the Green Room and introduce your blog. When your blog gets five votes up it moves to the Alumni Club. I am renovating all my pages right now, including the ones which link out to other blogs. So, please do leave your link. There are a good number of the M3 Readers who would love spending time at your place. ;)

      Reply
  1. Jailbird Follies | Momma's Money Matters

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