Resolution Sex

Off the top of my head, I cannot think of a single time the answer to my societal problem was sex. You?

Survey Says

In a four-year survey, I discussed problem-solving between men and women, specifically where the women were seeking the advice of men to whom they were not related. Situations included:

  • Deadbeat housemates
  • Cheating (both hers and his)
  • Job dissatisfaction
  • Education choices (for both women and their children)
  • Vehicle, appliance & home repair
  • Professional recommendations for legal, medical or specialized service
  • Money woes
  • Suicidal ideation

In more than 75% of the cases, the man offered a sexual experience as a “resolution” to the problem. Read that sentence again:

In more than 75% of the cases, the man offered a sexual experience as a “resolution” to the problem.

Whilst I could not possibly see how cunnilingus could possibly “fix” any, much less 78%, of the listed problems, I tried really hard to fish for an answer as to why it was offered. Not one of the men involved could tell me the reasons I guessed. Fewer than 20% of the women guessed one of mine.

My surmise was (A) to reduce stress for better decision-making or (B) to clear the cobwebs by offering a time when the subject was not forefront in the mind. Like every assumption ever, my guesses made an ass of me.

Top answers supplied by the women:

  • Men are looking for prey.
  • Men lack self-control.
  • Humans are wired to view everyone as a potential mate.
  • Men do not value friendship over sex.
  • Men and women cannot be platonic.
  • Mixed-gender friendship only leads to sex.

Top answers supplied by the men:

The men involved never did consider the women’s states of mind in their offer of sex.

  • Men are hardwired to breed with as many women as possible.
  • Men want sex from every woman.
  • The only reason women are friends with men is because they (women) want sex.
  • Sex makes women be quiet.
  • Most women have daddy issues.
  • Sex makes men more willing to listen to women complain about something men are never going to fix.

Three men involved said they did not offer sex as a solution to a woman’s problem. One man’s partner refuted his claim with her own experience to the extent of providing dates.

green down arrow Women were more likely to come to the men’s defense. Initially, 32% of the women said their experience was far less than the 78% observed in the survey. They put the percentage at 25% or lower, with one woman claiming no man had offered sex as a solution.

This result proved to be biased because in cases where both partners were interviewed, the man admitted offering a sexual solution even when the woman said he did not. When confronted with evidence, more than half the women claimed they did not take the offer seriously. By this math, an increase in lower-percentage reporting should be between 33 and 56%.

The fact remains: Whether women listened to the offer or discounted it as disingenuous, the men reported they offered sexual solutions in various ways nearly eight times in ten.

Sexual sophistication and proximity played key roles in the avenues pursued by the men. When in-person, lingering hugs, reassuring-turned-roving hands, face or hair stroking, and “let me hold you and keep you safe” were the favored tactics. When on the telephone, texting or via email, the direct offer of sex good enough to make the woman forget her problems was the preferred method by more than 5-to-1. The comeback to her dismissive comments was “I can prove it.”


Women reported taking the sexual offer in slightly less than 30% of the cases. Men reported a success rate of just over 28%. This level of confidence needs no adjustment. When asked why the sexual encounter proceeded, the answers diverge.

Men said showing her he could satisfy her in bed made him look like a better man and would draw her back to him.

Women said problem-solving-sex was adequate in giving her a break until she could solve her own problems but was not satisfying enough she would want it as a regular occurrence. Women were less likely to consider these men as viable long-term options based on their inability to problem-solve. Effectively, these men were dropped altogether or “friend-zoned” after the encounter. One woman claimed this was her primary test for whether a man was “keep or toss” material.


Problem-solving-sex did not bring any of the test subjects together with their current partners. Many of the subjects engage problem-solving-sex with current partners as a distraction or stress-relieving technique, but it is not offered solely by the man. Three women reported being more sexually aggressive when stressed because the tension relief was part of their coping mechanism.

Both genders reported higher success rate with this modus operandum than with dating-type seduction techniques. Both overwhelmingly admitted it likely because if the woman trusts the man enough to share her personal problems, she would trust him in a sexual encounter. One subject volunteered this was his primary reason for offering sex.

In the end, sex did not solve any of the problems presented, and in about 8% of the cases, it caused additional problems.

Have you ever offered or been offered sex as a resolution to a non-sexual problem? If yes, was it effective?

Survey Notes

  1. In the cases where non-heterosexuals answered the survey, they identified as woman or man based on their own experiences. Homosexuals and same-sex couples are represented in the results.
  2. Participants included those who are single (never married), partnered, poly-affiliated, married, divorced and widows/widowers.
  3. Most participants reported on between three and ten relationships, none fewer and 22% more.
  4. Answers provided, unless otherwise specified, come from multiple sources and are paraphrased for readability and continuity.
  5. Surveyor’s answers included in composite results because it did not alter outcomes more than 2% which is less than the confidence index of 5%.
  6. Answers not specifically attributed to single participants were removed to protect anonymity. Answers from social media were only included if they were represented by the interviewees.

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  1. To answer succinctly, No, No, and irrelevant due to the former answers….

    I don’t believe I took the survey, but, really, for me, sex has never been viewed as a problem-solving tool for non-sexual issues. It’s confusing enough trying to achieve intimacy in our misbegotten, screwed up culture, which, for the most part, does NOT teach humans how to be comfortable with their own sexuality, much less how to understand the other gender’s status. In short, very few people ever reach a comfortable understanding of how to relate to the opposite gender(s), & thus the survey results seem to reflect that lack of understanding….

    Silly monkeys, we are….

    • Perhaps, this would have been a good post for Clyde. Not entirely certain the results would have been delivered with A.N.Y. sort of unbiased language. You know what apes think of monkeys. *wink*

  2. I think probably everyone I have ever dated has offered sex as a solution as well as those I wasn’t dating while dating someone else. I find, being honest, I use sex as a solution when I am hypomanic and manic. Very interesting results on this.


    • Of the known bipolar participants, most (all but one) used sexual resolutions during manic phase with mediocre to bad results. We could discuss for hours the reasons for the dissatisfaction; however, the reasons are very similar to the ones supplied by non-bipolar people. All of those people who used it as a distraction technique (even if the problem was depression) reported it either useful or satisfying or both.


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