The Crash of Reality

…or The Birthday Present.

red light amsterdamDid you read Buzzzzz? Those of you who know me in real life, on Facebook, on Twitter, on Google+ and a choice few other websites insistent on displaying birth dates knew before the post went live today is my birthday. Those of you who clicked on the link at the end of the post would have found out how today should have gone. Now, I am going to open the window into my world. Really. Very. Wide.

A Better Perspective

The picture which greeted you on the homepage and in your email is not indicative of the window I mean to open in this post. You see, I need to have a more secure window than the one at the beginning. It is less about keeping me in as it is keeping the stalkers of the world out. I think this photograph is more representative of the window into which you may or may not want to peer.

Safety in the Bars

The Opposite of Hatemail

I first want to thank those of you who have come to my inbox and my tele to voice your concerns. For you, I am truly grateful.

Cracking the Bars

I choose to live sealed in my home like a hermit for many reasons. The largest such reason is the safety of my children. I suffer no delusions of grandeur or paranoia creating forces which exist only inside my head. In fact, we have been the victims of abuse, cruelty, discrimination and rejection over the course of the last six years.

We live in a place I often pinpoint as four miles past the point where all hope is lost. It is truly a desolate place. Would that a romantic story could present about choosing it for its rural solitude, but reality crashes the reverie: It was chosen solely for its location between two realities…the places of employment where my late husband and I were transferred from Long Island, New York. Yes, we moved from NYC to the middle of nowhere.

As is the case with any move, necessarily you encounter those people who are intolerant of you, your beliefs, your lifestyle or some other aspect on which they feel justified in judging you as insufficient and inferior to themselves.

In a town with less than 2,000 people, I have met more than 100 such people. While there are true bastions of humanity within our tiny community, the ones who thrive only to denigrate others while perpetuating a facade of generosity and basic humanness tend to overshadow the good.

The Slings and Arrows

In my brief time in Kershaw, South Carolina, I have been asked not bring my handicapped children to public events and churches; I have been specifically excluded from invitations to fellowship, both socially and spiritually; I have been the subject of investigation which ultimately proved my innocence; My children have been accosted when they were more than 800 miles removed from the subject at hand; and more.

The Shield

Those who choose not to interact with me are welcome to the choice. I have no desire to be included into activities where my presence is unwelcome. To do so would bring my sanity into question. The quality of my life is not compromised by others’ choices to avoid engagement. Truly, this is an aside for the shield is about those who choose to stand in the fringes with slings and arrows.


Stalkers are different from trolls because they do not hide from the light. Instead, they use it to better aim. Rather than face me, they choose to prey on innocent people in my world. Whether their cowardice is borne of fear of my prowess or of the magnitude of my will, they choose to pick out the people about whom I hold high esteem and deep affection.

In their failure to pursue the happiness to which most aspire, their sole satisfaction comes from tearing up the lives of people they have never met face-to-face so the pain is brought to my doorstep. I am a very big-hearted, compassionate, empathetic person. When the people around me suffer, I am hurt for them. Stalkers know this.


The events in my life have brought me in close contact with law enforcement officers who are duty-bound to protect the populace from such miscreants. The lengths to which I have gone are reasonable under the circumstances. When the facts are bared, the illegality of the harassment is quite plain. The legal loophole becomes the noose.

Stalkers seem to think as long as they are not hurting me directly, I have no recourse against them. In that fallacy, justice is still had. The aggregate of the behavior means they are liable to the many lives they destroy despite my legally unscathed visage.


As is always the case, my stalkers perceive I have done them some grave personal injustice. In the way I do not feel those who choose not to engage me are no reflection on my character, for truly it is not, these animals can only see my rejection of them as a personal affront deserved of serving me a platter of revenge. They cannot wait for the dish to become cold, where it could be savored.


I have never held myself out as faultless. On the other hand, I do not subscribe to failure. When I fail in the eyes of the world, I am merely taking another step toward my goals. Those who choose to judge me for what they perceive as my failures and faults do so at their own peril. In my heart and mind, I know I have more to offer than just negativity and my assets far outweigh my shortcomings.

I will never succumb to the demands of emotionally distraught or bankrupt people who feel they may set the penance for ills done only in their perspectives. In this, I am certain. Until such time as the stalkers retreat into their own domains, the bars shall remain in place. The light will filter in and shine out in the meantime, as it should.

© Red Dwyer 2012
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  1. I hope that your birthday was
    a wickedly enjoyable one Red 🙂 😉

    Of course it was,
    what am I saying 🙂

    Androgoth XXx

  2. Red, Happy Birthday, belated or not. Some people are not happy unless they are doing their best to belittle or judge others, rendering their acidic drool and hypocrisy upon children and the innocent.
    Are these folks people that we should listen to? No. Is their pathetic ‘judgement worth paying attention to? No.
    Small-minded people have always existed in the form of self-declared -righteous hypocrites who inevitably choke upon their own ‘perfection’. How sad for THEM. Hugs to you, Red!

    • It takes a special breed of bigot to discriminate against a child. And there were so many people to make sure my birthday was wonderful, thank you!

  3. You know me, better late. I am wearing my scarlet letter so we can stand together. If you want I can also get us matching purple hats and we can, together hie ourselves to Brunch one of these fine Sundays…

    Dress to the nines, heels, hats and Scarlet lets blazing dammit

    • Sing it, Sister! You know I am so in need of a new chapeau! Mmmm…turtle soup. Where’s my calendar?

  4. A lamentable birthday you had, Red. At least until you shared your story and were surrounded by love and reassurance from your family and friends. My heart goes out to you that you have to deal with such a judgmental community. In the end, I always find that I feel sorry too for those who perpetrate unkindness, because while we can turn away from them and barricade the door, they have to live a lifetime with that hollow heart and an eternity with that dark and shriveled soul.

    • How very true, Jayna. Our pain at their unconscionable behavior is temporary. The eternal emptiness must be too much to bear, whici is why they feel the need to share it with everyone else.

  5. Well…after reading that posting, I feel odd using the word happy, but Happy Belated birthday. I am disgusted with the way small minded people behave, especially in regards to children. I wish I could go there and bitchslap them all. Actually, I might have to find my way there on our summer vacation and bring my disabled child to really make them uncomfortable. I’m so sorry you have to be exposed to such subhumans.

    • Oh, do not! Thank you. Overall, I have to admit I salvaged the day. I will have fresh flowers in the guest room.

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