Saturday Evening Post

Extra Large Coffee CupWhat a whirlwind this week has been! Reports of snow here were premature, but not so much for a good portion of the M3 Readers. New domains, packed schedules, lots of hacking, Clyde is fish eyeing things. Grab a cuppa and snuggle into a rocker. Let’s talk.

Domains & Hacking

During the renewal of the domain for M3, an opportunity presented. Now, anyone who goes to will be delivered right here. None of your links here will stop working. It is just a help for those searching for M3.

M3 logoThis week found a solution to the problem with the email subscriptions. I have not gotten word from everyone who said they had not gotten email in a while (since 17JAN). Still, the reports which have come in are positive. Good hack found.

In an RP hack, we will be unveiling a new shopping cart and shipping method which will bring the shipping down significantly from the UPS contract price we had. I will keep clicking this weekend in hopes to have it complete by Wednesday.


I am going on a book tour starting 28FEB. If anyone would like to guest post during that time, hit the SIB. In case you missed the last subscription notice, the calendar is up on the Book Tour page.

Right Turn, Clyde!

The orang is impatient. For a primate, it is hardly out of character.  What has him twitching? Pity.

Merriam Webster LogoMerriam Webster defines pity as:

 : sympathetic sorrow for one suffering, distressed, or unhappy

b : capacity to feel pity

: something to be regretted

Who wants that?

Have you heard?

Oh, I am so sorry. I wish there was something I could do.”

This is pity. Rarely is this statement true, which really is a pity (definition two). In the first place, the person with the “sympathetic sorrow” is not sorry. In the second place, there probably is.

First things first. “I’m sorry” is not expressive in most of the cases where it is used. This is due in large part to the abundantly lazy English language. Knee-jerk “I’m sorry” is offered for everything from bumping into someone on the sidewalk to running over the neighbor’s dog. In its ubiquity, it is meaningless. Specifically, in this instance the offer is illegitimate. The person sorrying is not at fault for the situation.

Shy bringing someone back from the dead, one would be hard pressed to be completely helpless in a situation. For instance,

Lost Job

  • An offer to babysit during job hunting
  • Offering a meal
  • Giving a genuine reference or a job opportunity available

Herculean Task

  • Take other responsibilities to create time for completion
  • Offer experienced advice (sans condescension)
  • Seek out guidance from someone who does have experience (network)


  • Do chores
  • Bring food or fetch items from stores
  • Listen

Not so helpless after all. Giving someone pity is saying, “I am glad I am not in your position because it is awful, but I am not going to do anything beyond acknowledge I do not want to be in your shoes.”

I would ask for help, but I do not want pity.”

Redundant. Let’s look at why. Translation:

I would ask for (something), but I do not want (to receive nothing).

Double negatives are always wrong. Receiving pity is receiving nothing. When we ask for help, we are specifically asking for something other than pity.


Those who do pity are committing a pity. Translation: To acknowledge (heartache, desperation, pain) and do nothing is regrettable. Shameful really to have cajones large enough to say Dude, I would hate to be you, and return to one’s own functionally dysfunctional world without action.

Many people are precluded from asking for help because they are convinced asking for help is admitting failure. In fact, failing to ask for help most often ensures failure. While it may seem (cool, rewarding, fulfilling) to be able to say I did it all by myself, in reality team efforts produce benefits beyond the simple finishing of the task. None of us can know the internal struggle which preceded the simple statement.

I need help.”


Regardless of the state of despair, there are few people who go to others looking for an immaculate solution. They are not going to turn over the problem for one person to solve. They are just as unlikely to turn it over and not help themselves in some way. Yes: Accepting help is often helping oneself.

Enter Ape

Right turn, Clyde.

Right turn, Clyde.

Societies spend inordinate amounts creating networks to help those in need. If, indeed, our governments are representative of our community feeling, why do we individually wash our hands of helping one another?

After the internal struggle with lifelong teachings a person asks for help. When we turn them away with pity, we reinforce the concept asking for help is wrong. Logic prevails: If the help was appropriate to ask for, the respondent would have granted it. Is this really our intention for someone who is already hurting or in need?


Does our rejection of giving help come with a caveat?

I am too busy.”

Perhaps, the rest of the world could wait until “the schedule” opens up to accommodate humanity, kindness and charity.

I do not know how.”

Perhaps, the problem will wait until an education presents. We all know there is no one who can solve problems we cannot.

I did not do it.”

Perhaps, the cause of the problem will have our lacking conviction of conscience and in a fit of remorse rectify the situation.

How many times do we talk about random acts of kindness? Are they any less kind when they are not random, instead coming on request?

It is enough to make an ape wonder.


Red Signature

What stops us from asking for help? What stops us from giving help? Do we undervalue the help we give to others? How do you feel celebrating the success of those you help?

#Hashtags: #charity #society #RAOK

You can make a difference.

© Red Dwyer 2013
Re-Blogging of this or any other post on The M3 Blog
is expressly forbidden.
Copyright and Privacy Policy available in The Office.
Previous Post
Leave a comment


  1. Prompt: Patience | The M3 Blog

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

CommentLuv badge

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.