So, I am a snob. And?

As it turns out, not everything in my inbox is either a question or gushing with praise, sincere or otherwise. In fact, some of it is downright nasty.

You are such a snob.”


Image via Wikipedia

This tiara was presented to me by a rubbernecker on the information highway. His email would go on to say only the super-rich eat the foods described in my post about getting non-vegetarians to eat vegetables.

His claim: Poor people only eat drive-thru “where there isn’t no vegetables”. Evidently, he has never heard of the potato (or lettuce or rice or beans or corn). (Thinks to self: But where do poor people get the money? I cannot afford drive-thru everyday.)

Apparently, this man also thought the tactics laid out were abusive. Wow.

“327 charlie, enter the residence with caution. Suspect armed with a rutabaga.”

No one is that perfect.”

This nugget came from a harried mother of…two. By her own admission, they were two of the most challenging children in the history of human children. This was in response to my post on avoiding the morning school rush.

In her estimation, no one can possibly get anyone out of the house on time. If I subscribed to her way of thinking, I would not get out of the house on time.

Time management is not a mystery. Children are largely adaptable and thrive on the consistency of a routine. If the voice of experience is in another language, just try it for yourself.

How stupid are you?”

According to a woman in the midwest (I suppose if she got me closer I would stalk her.), having children in “this day and age” is a definitive sign for the need of a psychiatric evaluation. The About Momma page spurred her to craft a nearly three page email in which she accused me of having children “willy-nilly”, having questionable morals and making her taxes go up (?).

I am not poisoning the gene pool. I am trying to dredge it. So, there.

Real people can’t do this.”

Bill Gates in the World Economic Forum ,2007.

Image via Wikipedia

In response to my series on emergency funds, an elderly man from California wrote to me. His email contained as much profanity as an NFL sideline. Expletives deleted, the remaining words conveyed every American would have to work until they died because only Bill Gates had money now that Steve Jobs was dead.

He found no validity in jars of coins as a plausible, possible savings vehicle. I suppose he did not know people long after the Great Depression stuffed money in their mattresses because it was safer than the bank. And that, my friends, is where many a family fortune was built.

Just shut the hell up already.”

One of my most popular pieces about how crass people can be to pregnant women earned me this one. It seems this man felt he had a right to question potential mothers about their parenting capabilities, circumstance of conception and availability of the next siring position all while touching her hump.

Mark down the date: This one left me speechless. And wondering what they are teaching in Nebraska schools these days.

And now, for the rest of the story.

So, my dearest readers, what should I say to these disapproving, repeat-visiting, ashamed-to-make-comments-in-public fans?

© Red Dwyer 2011
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  1. Woomph. On a daily basis I read articles on Yahoo! News (I know, I know) and then scroll down to the amazingly inane comments. I am 100% sure that the same people who wrote you these emails are also the trolls on the boards there.

    And you’re right, drive thru is so expensive AND unhealthy; I wish I could send the person who wrote you that email my recipe for granola. My husband eats it for breakfast every single morning, and each week it costs the exact same to make as one morning’s worth of (sale priced) egg mcmuffins.

    • I think he would be allergic to granola 😉 Em, really, Yahoo! News? That is not good for the baby! I would have thought your doctor would have told you that!! Hope you are having a great day! Red.

  2. When I was writing my Guerilla Mothering column, and I received the occasional “love letter,” I would always start by praising the writer for his/her self-espoused virtues. Their superior wisdom, their superior parenting, etc. Then I would suggest they find a mother/father close by to mentor. Someone in their own town who needed lifting up, the investment of time, consideration, patience, etc the writer felt was lacking for others making parenting decisions. I emphasized what a blessing that would be to his/her community. That usually shut them up, but I will never forget the lady who wrote back again to tell me her children were perfect, and that in 30+ years of parenting, she’d never once had a single issue with them. Not one. That was same lady who belittled my husband and attacked our Christianity. Trolls come innall shapes & sizes. 🙂

    • Amen, Leslea! And some of them take HOURS to sharpen their horns and hooves. I have done the same thing. I have gone so far as to offer them a pdf application to a local parenting class school! You need to read “What NOT to say…” It has some of my fave comebacks (which I apply in the grocery line regularly…not pregnant…as a grandmother!)

      Thank you so much for stopping by! Hope to see you again soon, Red.

  3. Great post!
    Send your critics a return email with this line on it:

    “Thank you for your wonderful comments. You may now let your older and much smarter 10-year-old sister play on the computer.”


    • Bravo! Raymond, that is rich! Consider it added to the arsenal of return-mortars-for-dummies! Red.

      • ha! Thanks, Annmarie, it works every time.
        “It’s a tough life being a good blogger isn’t it?”.
        You can smile every time you get one of those comments. If you weren’t pushing buttons, the blog would not be read….?
        … .Your blog is GREAT! “:))

        • That is the part which never ceases to amaze me. I specifically chose the term “rubber necker”. These people come back over and over for more ammunition to shoot at me. If it was THAT BAD, why not just u.n.f.o.l.l.o.w?

          Thank you for your compliment, Raymond! Red.

          • Some followers are genuine and total drama queens, Red! They need something to oooh!, and aaaaaah! about and even swear about.

            You are actually doing them a service by making them THINK for themselves instead of watching soap operas, in spite of the “obvious incoming” it generates at times. In fact, the drama queens are trying to turn your blog INTO a soap opera…. When you see incoming, just SMILE, you are doing precisely what good writers do, they raise both interest and passion.. You’re doing a fine job on that….. That’s also why I call my blog :”Incoming Bytes” hm…somehow, sounds like ‘bites’ doesn’t it… “:)))

          • Grin accepted. *Wanders to draft a set of form letters*

  4. bear

     /  November 22, 2011

    I would add more but the dukes of hazzards is on and my hershey bars melting …….. Bear

  5. Yes, you are experiencing the ‘Chicken Treatment’ Red, those idiots that send out an e mail instead of popping their rants straight onto your blog are just cowards, I would much rather have them come out into the open and show themselves up for what they really are than have them hiding behind their monitor screens and feeling all self-righteous about their inaccurate and pathetic little objections…

    They are nothing but whinging cry babies with nothing better to do than send out pathetically insignificant and spineless little e mails when in reality they would just cower under the nearest rock and be silent, indeed they are gutter slime, moaning over well thought out postings that are written to offer something really good in the community…

    My advice is to just delete their idiotic
    e mails Red; they are just a bunch of losers…

    Have a great rest of day and evening now 🙂

    Androgoth XXx

    • Somehow, I knew you would take to this post. Aye, they are spineless. If you have a complaint, be strong enough in your self-righteous indignation to step into the light (as McD was so quick to point out) instead of acting like a cockroach, biting in the dark. I will be interested to see if the box blows once they have seen their infamy (and heresy, I daresay) fanned out for the real followers and fans to see.

      Here’s a raised stein to their crawling back beneath the dungeon to cower in shivering gloom, where they find the comfort of home.

      A wicked good night to you, Andro,
      Red xxx

  6. Oh there was a time when I heard my friend’s mother-in-law tell her that having more than one kid was like getting a litter of puppies and not ‘human-like’. I was like ”What? You aren’t serious, are you?” And she’s like… “It’s uncouth and irresponsible to have more than one kid.” No wonder her son never had any values. When his kid was born he just left the house as he didn’t want to shoulder the burden of raising kids. No – make that – raising his ONLY kid.

    Sometimes I wonder where some of these folk come from. Either they have weird ideas, or they are downright ‘controlling’. And not only do they believe it… they expect everyone else to follow suit. Crazy!!!

    • Oh, my! I think that is one of the attitudes you should embrace. Think about it…if those people only have one, there is very little chance of the idea becoming widespread!! ROFL!

      Thank you, Mandy! Red.

  7. Angela Young

     /  November 25, 2011

    Just having a convo with the daughter-in-law yesterday that reminded me of you and this post. They have 4 children (2 by her first marriage), and many of her family tried to get her to abort when she was pregnant with my beautiful Marilyn (HORRORS!). They keep telling her how irresponsible it is to have so many children when they can’t ‘afford’ them.

    What has happened to our society that we look at children as objects? A lot of people raised in very poor homes (and I am one) grew up just fine, and often, with better values than those who didn’t have those struggles…

    Climbing off soap box:)

    • Funny, my oldest daughter wasn’t walking yet when her grandmother informed me I had to have more. Apparently the fact I wanted to stop at just one for the time being (two in diapers really? I’d go crazy) was offensive when my mother was the only person I knew with just one and one of my aunts was the only one with none when they grew up. Funny, how people see things differently.

      • Very true. I knew when I was six I wanted a dozen. My sister wanted six, but when she got to be an adult and met “other people’s children”, she decided none was a better number. To each his own, I suppose. “Never inflict your beliefs on another” is the best policy. Red.

        • Angela Young

           /  November 25, 2011

          I always wanted 14, but they didn’t come out that easy for me, so I settled for 3. I am so blessed to have them!

      • There is seven years between my children, I wanted a bunch but then I had them. I’m not cut out to have more than one little one that’s little little at a time. It’s better to put space in between. Maybe one day I’ll have another one but right now the youngest care is top priority.

        • I always said, “God knew what He was doing by not giving me the handicapped ones first.” I realize I needed to be more patient, more grounded, more stable (as in less volatile-hey, nothing from the peanut gallery) in order to handle the drama which surrounds SN children.

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