I know you are…

It is Friday night, and the time has come to open the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere. Some of the crazies must have been on vacation because the hatemail was mostly about one post. Safe bet is the reduction in hatemail is not based on my becoming less offensive.

Put your drinks down for the 34th edition of the M3 Friday Follies.

Soma was right!

Now, if you missed Consuela’s response email to me from the 32nd edition of the Friday Follies, you will not be understanding why I was certain we would hear from her again. Despite the detailed instructions and explanation for the whys and wherefores of flash fiction, Consuela was still hit by the bus.

That’s it? Anybody can write that little bit a nothing.”

Soma, this one is on you.

Why am I picking on Soma? When she came to Flash in the Pan, she was certain Consuela would be looking for something quite different. Want to help Soma out with a facepalm flipped bird explanation for Consuela?


Somehow, our next contestant missed the memo which includes unusual  in her name calling. You guessed it, Red is the cruelest blogger in the blogosphere. Who says? Julian. Hatemailing from Germany, I have been called on the carpet for being horrifically insensitive and cruel. Behold.

My uncle Hamish died in the Hindenburg. How can you be so cruel and insensitive to the families of the survivors?”

Once again, my use of realism, hyperbole and analogy is lost compliments of Google’s failure to translate literary devices worth a flip. Did you miss my insensitive comments in the last SEP?

I took my time crafting something Google Translate would certainly not get correct.

I happens to me your translation of my writing leaves much to be wanting. For you to know the concept how I end my writing as drole and not uncaring is to make into German the witticism. True to its nature, the jape was designated to elicit chortling. May I have occasion to suggest querying American tourists to dope it out thereby permitting you to jeer also?

Perfectly clear, right?

And for the history buffs…no one named Hamish was killed at the Hindenburg crash.

Say What?!

Apparently, it is name-calling week. Once again, I am the queen of insensitivity. Hatemailing from Bristol, Magda had a bit of an earful to give me about ears.

There are more than 9 million deaf people in my country and you are horridly insentivity to be psoting about your ability to hear. Do you both to make your information available to deaf users or do you discriminate against them as well?”

I was unaware deafness disconnected the brain.

On behalf of the 11 million deaf people on this side of the pond, myself being one of them, I would like to make one thing perfectly clear:

M3 is in writing. I only discriminate against the illiterate.

I have been known to write some things which needed a translator, but do I really need someone to translate it into writing? Especially the titles…since that is apparently all she was able to get through her TTY.

Is there a physician in the M3 Readers who may be able to diagnose her hearing problem?

Porn Suggestions

M3 has been inundated with porn sites trying to spam the comments since, well, day one. It what is a first, the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere was inundated with porn suggestions. Did you read this week’s Muse for Monday? It took me about five minutes to figure out what post triggered all the suggestions. That was it. How did I figure it out?

In this day and age, no one has to do without getting some.”

See, this was not the one. Nor was this one:

you dont even have to pay a mebership fee”

Both of these had links attached which suggested Mantra register for a website designed specifically for this problem.

So, which one gave it away? Hatemailing from Michigan, Garth was very generous in his offer:

If you are scared I can tell you there is nothing to it. You just put in your stats and a pic (preferable a naked pic) and then people who want to hook up email you. Simple as that. No strings attached. You meet and [expletive] and go home. Do you want me to pass your profile out to some of my buddies?”

I need someone to give me an industrial sandblaster to get the slime feeling off my skin. I am not so certain having Garth cut his head out of the photo was enough. I could have done without that visual. Really. Does anyone have eye bleach?

In case you were unaware, there is an epidemic in this country. MILFs, housewives, “fat chicks”, lonely women and girls next door are all desperately devoid of sex…and are looking for YOU. The popular tagline is “Why in the [expletive] would you pay for sex?!”

Well, now isn’t that special?

Where this is the part where we get interactive, we are going to take a different tack than the usual choice of three. This is the response I am going to send all of them…but you get to help…keep reading.

Oh how cool! I never knew there were such sites. So, it’s like this. I set up an email address just for these sites, but I did not have a camera so I could take a newer picture of myself. I have this one, but it is from last month when I was at a party. Do you think this will do?

OK, M3 Readers. Can you find me a picture to attach to my responses? What is the absolute last thing you would want to see on a dating site?

So far, I still think the pic of the other Bearman is a great idea, but let’s put your twisted sense of humor in motion.


When I run a contest, I am always prepared for the whiner who did not win to whine about not winning. The contest for Emma’s book was no different. For once, I wish I could have emailed the actual books, so the winners could answer this hatemail. Whining from Alabama, Cheryl is bent she did not win.

You know you only let your friends win this. Why don’t you just mail them the books and skipp all the hoop jumping for the peiple who dont’ know the contest is a scam just to get their email addresses?”

Blah, blah, blah, blah.

You told her what?

Cheryl, thought you would like to know Bear is the one who chose the winners in a blind draw of numbers. As luck would have it, one of the winners was not a subscriber to M3 at the time of her entry. It seems you misunderstood the instructions. You actually have to enter the contest to win. 

As compensation, would you like me to enter you into all of the contests where I am attempting to win books? I could pass your email address onto more than fifty sites who would love to have it. It could make up for you not winning this contest.

What is so difficult about following the directions? Perhaps Clyde could explain it to her.

Or should we register her for the sites above?


Thank you for joining me for the 34th edition of the M3 Friday Follies brought to you from the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere! I sincerely hope your week has been free of hatemail, casual sex sites, contest losers and air disasters. Until next week, have a terrific weekend!

So, what is the picture we need to send to Garth and the other site hoppers? Who is going to help Soma pen a response to Consuela?

Psst…did you take the new poll?

(c) Red Dwyer 2012
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  1. As always, my go-to place for the funniest hatemail and best replies in the blogosphere! I love that you were accused of not sharing your writing with deaf people! Excellent. And you really are deaf? Even better! I mean, interms of the reply… not making any judgements about your situation 🙂 Great read, Red! I think I need to catch up on last week, too…

    • Yes, I have a 60% hearing loss in one ear. I am classified as hearing impaired. And you know I discriminate against everyone equally!! Great to see you today 🙂

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