As it turns out, not everything in my inbox is either a question or gushing with praise, sincere or otherwise. In fact, some of it is downright nasty.
You are such a snob.”
This tiara was presented to me by a rubbernecker on the information highway. His email would go on to say only the super-rich eat the foods described in my post about getting non-vegetarians to eat vegetables.
His claim: Poor people only eat drive-thru “where there isn’t no vegetables”. Evidently, he has never heard of the potato (or lettuce or rice or beans or corn). (Thinks to self: But where do poor people get the money? I cannot afford drive-thru everyday.)
Apparently, this man also thought the tactics laid out were abusive. Wow.
“327 charlie, enter the residence with caution. Suspect armed with a rutabaga.”
No one is that perfect.”
This nugget came from a harried mother of…two. By her own admission, they were two of the most challenging children in the history of human children. This was in response to my post on avoiding the morning school rush.
In her estimation, no one can possibly get anyone out of the house on time. If I subscribed to her way of thinking, I would not get out of the house on time.
Time management is not a mystery. Children are largely adaptable and thrive on the consistency of a routine. If the voice of experience is in another language, just try it for yourself.
How stupid are you?”
According to a woman in the midwest (I suppose if she got me closer I would stalk her.), having children in “this day and age” is a definitive sign for the need of a psychiatric evaluation. The About Momma page spurred her to craft a nearly three page email in which she accused me of having children “willy-nilly”, having questionable morals and making her taxes go up (?).
I am not poisoning the gene pool. I am trying to dredge it. So, there.
Real people can’t do this.”
In response to my series on emergency funds, an elderly man from California wrote to me. His email contained as much profanity as an NFL sideline. Expletives deleted, the remaining words conveyed every American would have to work until they died because only Bill Gates had money now that Steve Jobs was dead.
He found no validity in jars of coins as a plausible, possible savings vehicle. I suppose he did not know people long after the Great Depression stuffed money in their mattresses because it was safer than the bank. And that, my friends, is where many a family fortune was built.
Just shut the hell up already.”
One of my most popular pieces about how crass people can be to pregnant women earned me this one. It seems this man felt he had a right to question potential mothers about their parenting capabilities, circumstance of conception and availability of the next siring position all while touching her hump.
Mark down the date: This one left me speechless. And wondering what they are teaching in Nebraska schools these days.
And now, for the rest of the story.
So, my dearest readers, what should I say to these disapproving, repeat-visiting, ashamed-to-make-comments-in-public fans?