Statistical Follies

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For the 44th edition of the Friday Follies, we are opening the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere for the first Friday of M3’s second year. Put your drink out of reach, this one is a mixed breed doozy.

Nekkid Cruelty

Normally, when I have nothing to say, I get no hatemail. *sigh* Not this time. Our first contestant hails from Sweden. Judit hatemails about nudity.

How could you do that to those poor animals. Someone should have them taken away from you! There should be a law against that.”

Genetic differences? Really? In true, Friday Follies fashion, I chose to answer this hatemail.

The only laws against photographing animals are those which involve humans and bestiality. I can imagine the owners of Teh Kittehs are not on your holiday card list either. Perhaps, you can lead the campaign to breed hair onto them.

Goodness knows, we need them all to be exactly the same.

Wrong Wombies

I have never been a traditionalist, especially when it comes to celebrating. For Christmas, we barbecue. Easter? I like alligator and red snapper. So, when it came to Wombat Day, we had traditional Wombie food instead of traditional human-on-Wombat-Day food.

Willem hatemails from New South Wales to tell me about how I got it all wrong.

Everything I can find on this “Wombat Day” says you have to have chocolate cake. What gives with the pancakes? Are you just cashing in on people looking for real information?”

I took the black hat off my horns for this one.

I will have you know, my Wombies have a rare allergy to baking powder and cannot have traditional cake like all the other Wombat Day celebrants. Would you break their little hearts by denying them their celebration? How cruel are you?

Perhaps, he should have read the Wombat Day page. Sheesh.

Domestic Discord

I am the first one to admit:

I am more than certain Shonda did not know that when she hatemailed from Ohio. She took issue with Mantra’s idea of human exercise.

You are the only one who wastes money on equipment they never use. If you would get your fat [expletive] out of the house and move around more you would not be a lazy fat slob who dirties their exercise equipment iwth dirty clothes.”

My housekeeper was duly offended by her “slob” remark. Me? Not so much. *grin*

Frankly, Shonda, exercise equipment is for those who do not know how to control what goes in their mouths or, in your case, what comes out. My children enjoy the equipment I bought for their physical education, but I will wait until I get out of a size six before I partake. Six was hard to get to from a four. I let myself go after the children, you see.

Can anyone else smell Cheetos?

Sexist

Mantra came under fire for Destoyer as well. Hatemailing from the enlightened state of misogynistic ineptitude Oklahoma (capital of divorces) comes Bruce.

You could not be any more full of [expletive] unless you were eating it. Everyone knows women cannot be on ships. They stay in the ports to do their service where it is needed.”

Oh, really?

Since you live in a landlocked state, I can see where your exposure to women in the Navy would be limited. I know communication there must still arrive by Pony Express. Women have held the rank of admiral only since 1972, so it may still be a new fangled notion to you. I know forty years is such a short time to get used to such jarring news. By the way, are the women at the truck stop by your house like the port women of which you speak?

Testosterone poisoning is such a sad affliction.

Customer Non-Service

Someone should really tell No Daddy to stop sending Friday Follies email to customers. Their newest SIB entry was a lovely, supportive piece of spin news saying they were discontinuing the analytic service I use from them. I am not surprised. They offer in its place their own version of the program. What a blogoversary present.

I declined their version initially because it is a Javascript which requires code on …every stinking page. How many ways can I say [expletive laden comment redacted]?

Apparently, they have figured out how to access the Apache stats their servers collect to produce a report. Want to see what their stellar service shows for the Blogoversary?

I am supposed to believe only 155 people visited M3 on the blogoversary. No Daddy has no metrics which reveal more people than that commented that day. Is it possible to give negative stars?

No Help. I got it.

Only in writing is promoting one’s work considered “self-promotion”. I say PFT! Hence, I posted Please Help. Hatemailing from New Jersey, our next contestant is one disturbed Donna.

I hope good reads stops selling your book. How can they not find out you are blatantly cheating? It has to be against the rules for you to tell people to vote for you. Someone should do something about this.”

Let’s get interactive!

Oh, I have to get on Goodreads and make sure they are sending royalties. How sneaky of them to be selling books and not telling the authors or the public. Do you really think they have stolen all the manuscripts and are printing them? Have you bought one from them? Would you consider doing a review of their service?

Shh! You have to keep this quiet. I am only telling the 50,000 or so people who will see the post and the ones who are tweeting it to their Tweeps and then, of course, the Facebook crowd. Oh, and the G+ people and all the other social media. How could anyone possibly find out?


I nominate you! Since there is not a direct email address for complaints on Goodreads, why don’t you just tell everyone on your social media about it? Use this URL: Please Help!

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Do you think Donna will understand any of these?

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I hope your week has been free of hatemail, misogynists, cheaters and nudity. From the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere, thank you for joining me for the 44th edition of the M3 Friday Follies! Have a terrific weekend!

What shall we send to Donna?

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30 Comments

  1. I don’t think Donna will understand any of that. Send her the 2nd one. OK I got to go get my kid, but after my day I’ll definitely be stopping every few minutes tonight to read and reread through Friday Follies. These idiots almost made me smile.
    Laurie recently posted..Tuesday FTPMy Profile

    Reply
    • I was having a hard time getting down to that level. With all the writing I am doing for RP, the SIB was so.stinking.far.

      Reply
  2. Wow, this one was totally loaded, Red.

    What did you do to the animals? ! Have I missed something? I get your posts, but can’t remember your pictures with animals (which obviously did not involve bestiality). I wouldn’t mind you letting me know these pictures – I’m dead curious!

    Re the guy thinking women should stay on port – HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! And you saying women have had that rank since 1972? You’re great with your facts. I did not know that. Bet that shut him up 🙂
    Noeleen recently posted..“Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory” – Albert SchweitzerMy Profile

    Reply
    • Click on “about nudity” in the post. It will take you to the picture she was prattling about. 😉 Great to see you tonight!

      Reply
  3. O.M.G.

    And here I thought I was alone, dealing with all the [bleeping] fools all the [bleeping] livelong day.

    Now I have more [bleeping] idiots to add my bleep-off list!

    Have a drink. Or six. You deserve it.

    Reply
  4. Poor sad and pathetic Donna wouldn’t understand sign language either unless someone stuck two fingers up right in front of her face but hey she definitely fits right into the Friday Follies number one spot for incredibly stupid 🙂

    I think a Number Two for Donna as that will be more familiar to her being that she is one…

    Have a freak-free rest of evening Red and don’t forget to eat plenty of Wombie Pancakes, I always do 🙂 😉 lol

    Andro xxx

    Reply
    • Little Miss V was making Wombiecakes earlier, so I shall settle in with a few and relax for the rest of the evening. Only a few boards to surf before I call it a day. Glad you stopped by, Andro. 😉

      Reply
  5. This is awesome, funny stuff, thanks for inviting me to enjoy your blog!
    Sage Doyle recently posted..“I Know”My Profile

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    • You are very welcome. We usually do this every Friday. I am the official mistress of the Stupidest Inbox in the Blogosphere (lovingly referred to elsewhere as the SIB). Glad you like it!

      Reply
  6. Oh dear! 🙁

    I’d say she wouldn’t be able to understand any of these as she’s plainly two brain cells short of a pair!

    IF she could understand it I’d say use number two! 🙂

    Love and hugs my friend!

    Prenin.
    prenin recently posted..Thursday – shopping dayMy Profile

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    • ROFL! I think you may well be right, my friend! I hope you have had a lovely night, Pren. {HUGZ}

      Reply
  7. Number two for Donna – and back at her! I’ve been late making my comments here, but it doesn’t mean I don’t thrill at your posts! This time, though, my funny bone is stuck in my throat for what I would say to them! LOL
    Gail Thornton recently posted..Poem – Song for Unattainable MenMy Profile

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  8. Donna… oh I so have a really good idea of what she should get.. may not be the same one but then again… it may.. it is about that idiotic.. soooo i am going to amusemyself thinking somehow she found you and….that isn;t to far fetched really anyway moving on… I used this quote earlier on the forum but it fits here too … kinda the same subject and it woud be perfect for a reply because nexrt she will be thinking you are going to destroy the world – or ..rule it.. like Pinky and the brain… which could get really funny if we had the time or patience to wait for it…

    Donna.

    Cheating? My dear …what good is a doomsday device if you don;t tell the world? None. My book made it to the contest all on its own accord, now that it is there, I am simply letting people know it so they can go vote. It occurs to me that if my book wasnt; worth it and they don;t want to vote for me or my book..they don;t even have to go to the polls. I mean it is still a free country last time I checked, if you are angry because you marched right over there to do as you are told well , I apologize for the misunderstading, you have free will.

    What I really think might help you is to write your own book, and you will want to tell people about it.. or maybe that is the crux of the biscuit here ? Envy can often have us acting in ways we are not known for, of course having nothing compare to as far as your mouth and what spews from it.

    If it makes you feel any better, I did not tell anyone to go over there and vote me as best Goodreads Author – that was all on their own.

    She may just be in a pissy mood becasue she lives in Jersey.. just saying, and if that is the case well then its pointless to even reply..although fun 🙂
    Much love…more then much.. 2 x a bunch squared to the 10th power with a large dose of smack down for the haters.. yea!
    <3 Lizzie
    Lizzie Cracked recently posted..Graham’s Cracker Crumbs – The Mute ButtonMy Profile

    Reply
    • R.
      O.
      F.
      L.
      MARO. I love you, Lizzie <3 nth degree and pinky swear. I must find and photograph my John Brain t-shirt. <3 xxx

      Reply
  9. How awesome can stupid get, eh!?!? I have to agree with all above that #2 is most predicated to Ms Donna and her tight a** jeans…
    Oh, and Donna… don’t bend over – it’s will cause quite a rukus from any direction!

    Lizzie has such a way with words, does she not!?!?

    Congrats on you SIB being back to normal, ie terrifunnyrific!!!

    love and hugs…
    and what the heck’s WRONG with chocolate pancakes, anyway!?!?!?!

    🙂

    Reply
    • Thank you! Yes, Lizzie is a natural at this. I am thinking Donna has had the circulation to her brain cut off from those jeans a bit to long 😉

      Reply
  10. Wow Red, Nudity eh!.. those cats should get to grips with their Fur coats, dont they know its winter out? hehe….
    Unbelievable what some folks have to say about ‘Breeds’ of Cat who are born like that… Duh! arrrgh
    Well it takes all sorts to make a world doesn’t it Red
    hate mail I seem to be free from, LOL…
    Hope you are your family are well, and thank you for your encouraging comments also Red,

    Always love your humour Red, keep smiling and being just who you are… and no more X rated pussy cats! LOL… xxxxxxx
    Sue Dreamwalker recently posted..Joining the Light often leads us through the darkness first.My Profile

    Reply
    • LOL! Perhaps, I should photoshop them some faux fur coats. ROFL! Really makes me scratch my head, Sue. How is it when faced with something new, there is no curiosity? *shrugs* I am pretty proud of the fact I have no understanding of it 😉 Hope you are staying warm, Sue <3 So very glad to see you today. xxx

      Reply

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