It is the night where we open the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere for the 45th edition of the M3 Friday Follies. The SIB was brimming with hatemail from around the globe and a few corporations who have been anything but nameless. Put the drink out of reach. You do not want to be reading through the splatters.
We have long been inundated with those who could not read beyond the titles of the posts. This week was no different. Hatemailing from Georgia, Desiree was completely upset with This is only a test.
The whole reason people are on the internet is so they don’t have to hear that annoying [expletive] they put on the tv. Don’t they know we just change the channels. Like anyone finds out about emergencies on the tv.”
Apparently, Desiree was born after the cable age and possibly even the satellite age.
Like, I know, right? And what’s with the 300 channels of news anyway?”
Is she the reason there are color coded television guides?
Not So Truly
Far be it from me to deny, I have a horrid habit of making small sentences. Yes, believe it or not. I have the ability to make very small sentences. Perhaps, I should not. Apparently, they confuse some readers. Take Cole as an example. He tripped over the sentence: Yours truly is one. Hatemailing from Ontario, he is worried about pets and people who… How about we let him tell you?
People like you should be locked up. How could you do that to that dog? Somebody should be shooting you in the head. Don’t they have laws there? And then you posted pictures of it on the internet. That makes you cruel and stupid.”
And you illiterate.
Oh, you better believe there are laws here. If you hunt without a license, they take the meat away from you.”
Was it evil of me to include the address to animal control so he could forward it to the appropriate jurisdiction?
Is that all?
Another person with a short problem is Dan. His outrage over Psst. was obvious in his hatemail from Vermont.
What is the point in putting up a post when you dont say nothing and dont leave a link to nothing else?”
I want you to use your mental prowess to read my virtual mind or your telekinesis to visit the Tilted Tiara.
Is this a men and directions thing?
My take on nursery rhymes ruffled a few feathers. For a fifth crowning of sick and twisted, my coronation came compliments of Jonathon. Hatemailing from California, he feels like I am a bad influence.
How can you twist up something so innocent as a nursery rhymen? Sick people like you should be kept away form kids. How sick do you have to be to make a nursery rhymen about abuse?”
Like I am the first one?
Perhaps, you should research some of the nursery rhymes you loved as a child. Most of them are about dire circumstances:
- Old woman in the shoe? A widow with many children in an age before EBT.
- Ring Around the Rosie? The Plague
- Who Killed Cock Robin? Murder
You are right; I should refrain from introducing such concepts to children and stick to the classics. They are far less violent.
Off with his head!
Where are your references?
Despite our discussion of where I derive the information which graces these pages, Sherry was quick to question my credentials. In a Clyde driven Friday Follies moment, we were discussing car insurance and the banking industry. Considering all of the correspondence in the post came from the SIB and the tenor of the email, I had to scratch my head as to why Sherry was having a problem with the content.
Then, it occurred to me what in the world she meant.
Well of course the world you describe is dystopia. No part of it is fantasy. This is the real world. Not some futuristic story. This sort of thing happens all the time. you honestly believe it is not going to be better in the future? Look at the video!”
So, not only does it need to be long, it needs to be in something more significant than bold. Shall we get interactive about dystopian society?
I rather think the banking industry is best personified by the alien invasion as its culture is so far removed from the society as the citizens know it. Do you think it would be different if we actually knew what they did behind the curtain? Perhaps, a few more virtual golf balls. Or do you think we will need to finance hobbies by then?
I know it will be better in the future. If you look at history, can you not see how much better it is? Now when they steal from you, they do not even get put in stocks so everyone can throw tomatoes at them. Do you not see this as an improvement?
Why should I wait for the future? This is already beginning. Tom Cruise is paving the way with the power chair. Just think, virtual reality games, video telephone, nutrition supplements…we are almost there now! Or are you not into tech?
As you can imagine, after the telephone calls this week to Voldemort, there was a customer service survey. I am certain we all know what score they received. >>>>>
Rather than provide a lengthy feedback, I just gave them a bullet list. Can you fill in the blanks?
1. Do not have CSR say, “Well, it is not _____ your site which is down. Others are going through this, too.”
2. Do not _____ about servers.
3. Do not charge for products you are not going to deliver. ______.
4. Offer __________ to those who pay in advance for products you never deliver.
5. Stop ________________ your websites are up 99% of the time.
6. Do not have CSR tell customers it will be worked out when another _______________ gets to it.
7. Have an alert system for customers who are affected by “known outages”, so they can know when Go Daddy has gotten around to restoring the service for which they have already been ______.
I hope your week has been free of hatemail, dystopia, nursery rhymes, short sentences and television. From the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere, thank you for joining me for the 45th edition of the M3 Friday Follies. Have a terrific weekend!
What shall we send to Sherry? What shall we tell Dan?
(c) Red Dwyer 2012
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