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Hosting Follies

Ben Woodard liked this post

It is the night where we open the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere for the 45th edition of the M3 Friday Follies. The SIB was brimming with hatemail from around the globe and a few corporations who have been anything but nameless. Put the drink out of reach. You do not want to be reading through the splatters.

Emergency!

We have long been inundated with those who could not read beyond the titles of the posts. This week was no different. Hatemailing from Georgia, Desiree was completely upset with This is only a test.

The whole reason people are on the internet is so they don’t have to hear that annoying [expletive] they put on the tv. Don’t they know we just change the channels. Like anyone finds out about emergencies on the tv.”

Apparently, Desiree was born after the cable age and possibly even the satellite age.

Like, I know, right? And what’s with the 300 channels of news anyway?”

 Is she the reason there are color coded television guides?

Not So Truly

Far be it from me to deny, I have a horrid habit of making small sentences. Yes, believe it or not. I have the ability to make very small sentences. Perhaps, I should not. Apparently, they confuse some readers. Take Cole as an example. He tripped over the sentence: Yours truly is one. Hatemailing from Ontario, he is worried about pets and people who… How about we let him tell you?

People like you should be locked up. How could you do that to that dog? Somebody should be shooting you in the head. Don’t they have laws there? And then you posted pictures of it on the internet. That makes you cruel and stupid.”

And you illiterate.

Oh, you better believe there are laws here. If you hunt without a license, they take the meat away from you.”

Was it evil of me to include the address to animal control so he could forward it to the appropriate jurisdiction?

Is that all?

Another person with a short problem is Dan. His outrage over Psst. was obvious in his hatemail from Vermont.

What is the point in putting up a post when you dont say nothing and dont leave a link to nothing else?”

I want you to use your mental prowess to read my virtual mind or your telekinesis to visit the Tilted Tiara.

Is this a men and directions thing?

Mutha Goose

My take on nursery rhymes ruffled a few feathers. For a fifth crowning of sick and twisted, my coronation came compliments of Jonathon. Hatemailing from California, he feels like I am a bad influence.

How can you twist up something so innocent as a nursery rhymen? Sick people like you should be kept away form kids. How sick do you have to be to make a nursery rhymen about abuse?”

Like I am the first one?

Perhaps, you should research some of the nursery rhymes you loved as a child. Most of them are about dire circumstances:

    • Old woman in the shoe? A widow with many children in an age before EBT.
    • Ring Around the Rosie? The Plague
    • Who Killed Cock Robin? Murder

You are right; I should refrain from introducing such concepts to children and stick to the classics. They are far less violent.

Off with his head!

 Where are your references?

Despite our discussion of where I derive the information which graces these pages, Sherry was quick to question my credentials. In a Clyde driven Friday Follies moment, we were discussing car insurance and the banking industry. Considering all of the correspondence in the post came from the SIB and the tenor of the email, I had to scratch my head as to why Sherry was having a problem with the content.

Then, it occurred to me what in the world she meant.

Well of course the world you describe is dystopia. No part of it is fantasy. This is the real world. Not some futuristic story. This sort of thing happens all the time. you honestly believe it is not going to be better in the future? Look at the video!”

So, not only does it need to be long, it needs to be in something more significant than bold. Shall we get interactive about dystopian society?

I rather think the banking industry is best personified by the alien invasion as its culture is so far removed from the society as the citizens know it. Do you think it would be different if we actually knew what they did behind the curtain? Perhaps, a few more virtual golf balls. Or do you think we will need to finance hobbies by then?

I know it will be better in the future. If you look at history, can you not see how much better it is? Now when they steal from you, they do not even get put in stocks so everyone can throw tomatoes at them. Do you not see this as an improvement?

Why should I wait for the future? This is already beginning. Tom Cruise is paving the way with the power chair. Just think, virtual reality games, video telephone, nutrition supplements…we are almost there now! Or are you not into tech?

No Daddy!

Zero

Zip. Zilch. Nada. Rien.

As you can imagine, after the telephone calls this week to Voldemort, there was a customer service survey. I am certain we all know what score they received. >>>>>

Rather than provide a lengthy feedback, I just gave them a bullet list. Can you fill in the blanks?

1. Do not have CSR say, “Well, it is not _____ your site which is down. Others are going through this, too.”
2. Do not _____ about servers.
3. Do not charge for products you are not going to deliver. ______.
4. Offer __________ to those who pay in advance for products you never deliver.
5. Stop ________________ your websites are up 99% of the time.
6. Do not have CSR tell customers it will be worked out when another _______________ gets to it.
7. Have an alert system for customers who are affected by “known outages”, so they can know when Go Daddy has gotten around to restoring the service for which they have already been ______.

~~~~~~~~~~


I hope your week has been free of hatemail, dystopia, nursery rhymes, short sentences and television. From the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere, thank you for joining me for the 45th edition of the M3 Friday Follies. Have a terrific weekend!

What shall we send to Sherry? What shall we tell Dan?

(c) Red Dwyer 2012
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23 Comments

  1. Send Sherry 2 and tell Dan to have his aid put the child locks back where they belong before he gets in trouble. Children shouldn’t be unsupervised long enough to harass grown folks.
    Laurie recently posted..Changes in Hope of SimplicityMy Profile

    Reply
  2. I agree Laurie, send Sherry #2. And I LOVED the dystopian Pixar video. (Loved it in a very disturbed by it way.) I kept looking for trees and mountains haha. Jonathan is, at this moment, looking through his Golden Books for examples you cited. 😉
    Gail Thornton recently posted..Poem – Anaphoric RideMy Profile

    Reply
    • That is one I suggest you watch Gail. The majority of it is for adults and is excellent social commentary. It goes over the heads of people like Sherry and Dan 😉 *giggles* Golden Books.

      Reply
  3. Number two for Sherry I think! 🙂

    Dan needs help – there is no point in engaging in a battle of wits with him as he is clearly unarmed… 🙂

    Love and hugs!

    Prenin.
    prenin recently posted..Thursday – Final Beta spell check.My Profile

    Reply
    • I believe you are quite right. I wonder if he would be able to use those blow-up boxing mitts.

      Reply
  4. I think that number three
    best serves Sherry and for Dan…

    W
    E
    L
    L

    “Psst Dan is your brain engaged, if not then kindly leave the building oh you have already, well get lost then loser”.

    I will see you again on Saturday where I will be indulging in some of your scrumptiously delicious strawberry and orange scones and a few cups of coffee 🙂 Lovely…

    Andro xxx

    Reply
  5. Strawberry one’s too 🙂 Grrrr

    Andro xxx

    Reply
    • I beat you to this…

      Reply
      • I know that you did and thank you for that, I should read what I have written before clicking on the ‘Post Comment’ but I rarely do 🙂

        Obviously 🙁 lmao

        Time for my cuppa
        now as it is almost 3am 🙂

        Grab one yourself and have a nice rest of the evening, snuggling up to your Bear with a bit of luck 🙂 😉

        Andro xxx

        Reply
  6. You might die of boredom, though, if you didn’t keep getting all these fun emails every week.
    Binky recently posted..Identity TheftMy Profile

    Reply
    • LOL! In all the years on the Internet, I cannot remember one time when I did not have at least a handful of SIB email. Ever.

      Reply
  7. Just keep it simple for Dan. He is from Vermont.
    Derek Mansker recently posted..Greetings From the Chef!My Profile

    Reply
    • It sounds like you have insider information. I have never been to Vermont, so I really have no track on which to lay his behavior.

      Reply
  8. Dipsticks all. You reminded one to come see me? Cruel sister, cruel.

    Three to Sherry, I don’t know that her brain will understand.

    I occurs to me your hatemailers won’t understand any of your brilliant answers. Does this ever occur to you?
    Valentine Logar recently posted..Race 2012: The CommonsMy Profile

    Reply
    • Not to worry. I feel quite certain wandering in the desert for a few weeks will cure the desire to actually get there. 😉 It has always occurred to me they would not get it. In fact, if they cannot understand the straightforward posts, the chances of possessing the intellect necessary for sarcasm is a non-starter. 😛

      Reply
  9. Well, Red, thanks to you my week has now NOT been free of short sentences – but ha! that’s just fine with me.

    HOW that person got your dog post wrong, I do not know. Yes, you say they didn’t read beyond the headline, but… I suspect they did.

    The no. of topics you touch on in one post – wow. Funny how all the hatemailers know where to send their hate mail!! I’ve been free of my sister’s crap since . and I am, as you can see, so relieved. Ah hate…. love just wouldn’t feel so hot without it.

    Yours truly is 1, 2.

    ! N.
    Noeleen recently posted..Well, that was nice Big Brother – but no, actually…Too Damned FreakyMy Profile

    Reply
    • I think this was a matter of read the title and look at the pictures and ASSume all the rest. I am glad things are getting quieter for you. You know, I have been told by SEO “experts” never to speak of more than one thing in a post. As you should be able to surmise, I am not much for reading wrong instructions 😉 xxx

      Reply
  10. Lol!
    Yes indeed Red,
    I find individual perception and understanding of posts a funny thing.
    I think many make pre-conceived judgements based on what they’ve heard others say about a Blog.
    They come along, partially read a post, switch off then blast the writer based on partial information.
    Falling out with frenemies and family members was one of the main reasons why I started to write under a pseudonym but that just wasn’t working out for me.
    I haven’t been consistent enough (on my return to WordPress) to warrant the attacks from the trolls but I’m sure, in time, that will change with my latest Blog.
    Phil Gayle_For Singles and Couples recently posted..Single and SecureMy Profile

    Reply
    • I have a long and storied past on the Internet. Frankly, I get these sorts in person, so the idea I would escape them in virtual reality is a non-starter. We do this every week. This week, we are doing a special edition for Thanksgiving.

      Reply

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