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It’s About Damn Time

My Dearest M3 Readers (all four of you),

It has been a time of bizarre and wonderful happenstance and endeavor. Rather than bore you with the intimate details, suffice it to say I have overcome. My official newlywed label has worn away, and my doctor says I may type. We shall keep her squarely in dark as to the amount.

First time since…

For the first time since 1993, I have moved house three times in less than three years. I have one more move to go, but it will hold for another year. I have grown wise enough not to proclaim my next move my last.

For the first time since 2004, I have blended family under our roof. It daily reminds me how important raising strong children truly is. I am acutely aware of how much I enjoy when they sleep.

For the first time since 2008, I have lost more than three friends in a year. 2016 was tougher on my circle of friends than any prior year. Let’s have no more of that.

For the first time since early 2012, I have deleted a draft of a post. Since the reference is long out of date, what with the no typing happening for months instead of weeks, we shall embark on it in a serial. Some things never change.

For the first time since 2013, I have been changing my normal path along the blogosphere. This has been mostly as some of the places where my hat regularly hung are no longer habitable. Just as life got squarely in my way, it overtook many of the bloggers who I have enjoyed immensely in times gone by.

For the first time since 2016, I am happy to be in front of my irritatingly up-to-date laptop to write. For all of its idiosyncratic hiding of things I specifically do not move, I find typing more intimate than voice notes. I loathe the sound of my own voice. Whilst the autocorrect has learnt to speak Red, and even though my laptop utterly refuses to correct dull-fingered typos, I enjoy the sound of my nails on the keys.

Firsts are not all they are not all they are cracked up to be.

In Other News

What is there about the first time we do things which causes us to emotionally bond with activities and imbue them with an importance which pales in repetition?

Breaking the ice with people often leads to discussions about the first time we have done or possessed things. What was your first car? When did you fall in love the first time? Where did you fly on your first plane ride?

Do we believe those first experiences bond us? How? Our first experiences with many things are either out of our control or marked by our lack of experience. Many of our first come as a direct result of choices made by our parental units. Others into which we blunder are either painful or comic tales to tell. Rarely is the first experience one we want written in our memoirs.

Do we do it to break down the other person? If we can see someone else has made mistakes or at least similar missteps to ours, does it make them more approachable? Surely, we can find a better way to get to know someone than asking them to reveal something about themselves they may not want us to know.

1, 2, 3 Switch

Sir Can-A-LotWithout referencing Monty Python, many people have a hard time changing the subject. Instead, they answer the questions, open themselves up prematurely, clam up the moment the words escape and kick themselves later for doing it all. So, knowing we have done it and others do it, what possesses us to ask these inane questions? Remember curiosity killed Schrödinger’s cat.

We all hate the uncomfortable, pregnant silence which hangs between us when nothing immediately follows the last comment. No pithy retort. No quick-witted reply. No sincere declaration. What is the best solution for nothing to say? Ask someone else to do it. (counts to ten… thrice)

New Plan

Rather than sliding the hot plate under the seat beside you, why not fill the silence with something of our own? This is not an invitation to be an insufferable boor. It is an explicit invitation to tell Quaint something you find interesting without Quaint needing to be an inquisitor.

For example, do you play a sport? Rather than asking, simple state, “I play squash on the weekends.” Whilst leading with an MVP trophy and quoting statistics is largely frowned upon, inviting Quaint to watch a match is considerate.

What was the last book you read? Chances are great it is better conversation fodder than the first book you read.

Have you made a good deal lately? Everyone loves a bargain, especially if it supports local economy.

Is your thumb green or black? Hardly anyone feels extended remorse over killing a plant, even the inedible kind. Typically, people with black thumbs have a wonderful sense of humor about their superpower.

Have you seen a good performance? New ballet in town? Box at the symphony? Something at the cinema? Comedy club? New to NetFlix? Discovering Quaint’s taste in entertainment is a quick inroad to friendship.

Possible!

We can find out about others without grilling them with questions from the distant past. Without putting our new friends on the hot seat, we can determine similarities which become the backdrop to truly successful relationships. No pain; Lots of gain.


Do people who resort to Q&A to keep conversation going make you uncomfortable? Give another example of conversation starters.

#friendship #relationships #dating

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10 Comments

  1. Welcome back hun! 🙂

    Life here is weird: Druggy teens, druggy neighbours, thieving neighbours and unpaid debts they owe. 🙁

    Apart from that and the government playing dirty tricks on the disabled all is fine! 🙂

    Love and Hugs!!! 🙂 <3

    Prenin.
    Prenin recently posted..Saturday – No Sign of Jed.My Profile

    Reply
  2. Do you have a favorite restaurant?
    Do you have a favorite song / music genre?

    I know, lame but music and food are the stuff of the soul and finding similarities and differences always lead to fun conversations and sometimes new discoveries.

    Then of course there is simply always the people watching theory. Where do you like to go to people watch. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t like to people watch, even me who isn’t all that peoply loves to people watch (long as I don’t have to interact too very much).

    Reply
  3. Having recently signed off 3 places where I had a presence, and taking frequent extended breaks from another social media venue, I now have time to indulge in my previous joy of painting (in all media, on all grounds, mostly trees and other landscapes).
    While writing novels gave me satisfaction and kept me out of trouble for years, that no longer occupies my waking thoughts and many dreams. Hence, despite losing many friends and relatives over the last few years, I am in a good place and loving every second of it. Glad you are back. I missed you.

    Reply
    • Part of my therapy is to engage in my painting as well. I hate I cannot sew and crochet… yet. It is worth fighting to regain. I am so very pleased to see you today. xxx

      Reply
  4. Uncomfortable? No, unless you count the unholy gleam of anticipation in my eye as such; mostly I regard such questions as a challenge, to find an answer they’ve never heard before. Like, I never learned to ride a bike, because my mother was scared by one when she was pregnant with me. Yes, it’s lying, but, a harmless lie, which serves to deflect any further wish to ask me silly questions…. SIGH… I never thought curmudgeonry would take so much practice…

    For starters, I like to ask the others what they like to do; almost any question will do, if it asks about them. To really get to know someone, I like to invite them to play a game of some sort; how people react to games, of any kind, table, sport, or head, tells me a LOT about them, and how they look at life….

    Great to have you back, voice-activated, or otherwise… & there’s nothing wrong with your voice….

    xoxo

    Reply
    • I find head rather revealing myself. You really get a grasp of what they favor. *grins*

      As a consummate straight man, I often deliver an eloquent answer which sounds ethereal… often, its substance is hyperbolic or lacking enough to leave the recipient nonplussed or content they are intelligent. I find it intensely revealing.
      xxx

      Reply
  5. I don’t really like questions of that sort. For the most part, I like to listen to what others have to say. You usually can’t learn much with your mouth open.

    Reply

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