• In Case You Missed One

  • What’s in it for you?

    Custom Search
  • Get Published in 2015

    Submit your book proposal today! Submit your book proposal today!
  • Register Today!

  • Why Take The Chance At Missing One?

    Put in your email address to find out when a new post goes live on The M3 Blog!

    Join 69 other subscribers

  • What’s the buzz?

  • RSS for any Reader

    I heart FeedBurner

    FBFPowered by ®Google Feedburner

  • Like Red Dwyer on Facebook

    Red Dwyer - Author

    Sweet! ... See MoreSee Less

    Unbelievable carving

    View on Facebook

    Red Dwyer shared Engineering & Architecture's video. ... See MoreSee Less

    It`s not pretty impressive .. It`s very impressive . Good skills Credit : Artistic Drywall By Bernie Mitchell and Drywall Nation

    View on Facebook
  • Like the 5,000 page

    • I have more than 5,000 contacts. I have more than 5,000 contacts. Lizzie Cracked commented on Momma's Money Matters: Thanks Miss R :-) funny strange ha ha but I know what you mean. Hope all is well.. June 25, 2012 20:22
  • Helping Keep the Power On

  • And Now For Something Completely Different.

Lizzie’s Mental Moment

One of my favorite places to hang out is Running Naked With Scissors, and its companion site Artsy Brain Fartsies, both run by the incomparable Lizzie Cracked. Her signature feature is the Mental Moment. She has graciously offered to guest post a special mental moment about friendship on M3.  With no further ado, meet my sweet friend, Lizzie.

I have been thinking a lot lately.  I do that from time to time.  Really.  Uh oh… oh wait, :-)  many of you have no idea what that means.  Those who are regular visitors over in my little piece of the blogosphere know that typically means …ridiculous word count and circular diversion while I figure out how to make my point.  It seems to not be too much of a problem though.  Not sure if it’s because I give fair warning or because I am just that likeable :-)  or maybe both.   I will try to stay focused and under … 3000 words ?  Ok shorter.

 A Mental Moment …  

The idea of a Mental Moment, is to take a break from what’s going on in your daily life.  Just stop what you are doing and take what I offer and think about it.  It doesn’t matter if you have mental health or disorder, it’s about your mental state.  Sometimes the Mental Moments are just funny things to laugh at, sometimes they are a little deeper to ponder on.  Its what you want or need it to be…

It’s nice to not have to explain myself, to know that there are people that get me, that know when I say I have been thinking, it could be epic, or end up ridiculous. and to settle in for a  bit to get through my musings, and finally to a point.  I used to explain myself all the time just so I didn’t confuse anyone.  Even at first ,to make sure I wasn’t confused.  Now I do it out of courtesy, especially if I am somewhere new or meeting new people.

For once in my life, I am being real.  Just me.  Who I am is not hidden away.  It’s amazing the difference it has made, and the friends I have found, especially here.

I have been thinking about being alone.  Not like without a relationship, or just alone because there is no one else around you.

The kind of alone uttered in despair and hopelessness

The kind of alone that is really common among those with mental disorders. dysfunction, cracked,  especially in the really low moments, like depression.  How about bipolar depression.

I think bipolar depression is a good example, I have a little experience with it.  My kitten George is bipolar, poor little guy he is all over the place, one minute purring contentedly the next chewing on my leg like its chicken. …

Isn’t George cute?

*ahem

 

I have Bipolar I …but that’s not the point.  Ok, it has a lot to do with the point.  I have found the answer to the problem of feeling so horribly terribly desperately alone,  that ideas of …not being here anymore, of not having purpose find ways to wiggle into the brain  Once the idea is there, it snowballs because …you look for validation that you are truly alone.  if you get it..if no one notices, or takes your hand….

Here is the thing, it makes no sense.  If  you haven’t ever felt that lonely and isolated, or if you have, in that desperate place, yet can’t figure it out when you are in a better place, it’s hard to imagine that you could ever think there is nobody in the world that loves or cares or understands you.

But I have pondered and mulled and brooded to the point that it does, all of a sudden make perfect sense.  Really.

Consider this:

Many mentally ill people are masters at deception.  Not the malicious kind that is done with intent to hurt anyone, maybe masters of disguise is a better way to think of it.  People with bipolar are notorious for putting up a front that everything is hunky dory and life is grand,  for a lot of reasons such as, social stigma, and doubt that we are lovable and worthy of friendships, doubt that if we reveal the darkness inside of us, we will be able to have a friend who can stay with us throughout thick and thin.  Doubt that we will be seen as who we are, not what we have after the truth is revealed.

Perhaps it’s learned behavior.  I had a brief period of time after being diagnosed that I was quite vocal about the fact I had bipolar disorder.  I was so happy there was a reason, a name for what was going on in my head.  That lasted maybe five minutes and I went back to trying to live as a square peg in a round hole.  Or is it round peg…?  anyways..  I came here to get away from that kind of life.  I just want to be me.  After awhile, I had friends.  I had people that cared about me.

I mean really truly cared about what I had to say what I deal with and like me just because…well I am irresistible…  (no need to pipe up I am just being silly :-)  )

Silly Monkey

 

When we read another person musings, or hear them, in pain say

 

“I don’t want to be here anymore, I am alone and I am tired,”

 

It might be the first instinct to say,  (it is mine I know,)  “You aren’t alone, I care, I am here”  and think how could they possibly ever feel like they have no one?   When someone would say it to me, it did help but it didn’t.  Just the fact that someone cared enough and tried to help, was something that made a difference whether it made the loneliness go away or not.

It rarely did at first, and I thought there was just some fundamental short circuit that I could not feel anything but alone.  I wanted to figure it out, I felt if I just could understand why I was misunderstood.  And there was the light bulb.  That AHA!  moment.

Anyone who feels they have to hide something about themselves, out of shame or blame or fear,  will feel alone.  Not lonely, that’s different.  Alone.

They are not revealing their true self, therefore they can never feel truly understood.

Next time you hear someone say “I am alone”  in a time of despair, don’t dismiss them or what they are saying,  Let them know they aren’t alone in whatever way you normally would ..  I don’t know what the right thing beyond that is,  I just give you my slightly cracked observations, sometimes unsolicited advice if I am feeling it, but on this, I don’t know the right answer, I just know the cause.  Maybe I am wrong.

 

Besides its a Mental Moment (epic one too).  I can’t figure it all out then what would you have to ponder?

 

Everybody is worthy of friendship, love and acceptance, no matter what sets them apart. No one should feel like they are alone without a soul in the world that understands them.   I may have fewer friends than if I didn’t have a serious mental illness, it’s not always easy to be that friend that sticks around no matter what, but when I got real, and brave and said to hell with pretending, I found friends that are the best.  They carry me by caring about me.

My last bout of bipolar depression, just recently, I did not get to the point of feeling alone.  In fact I knew I wasn’t.  Wait, really yes, I had moments, but when a friend said to me …you aren’t alone…  I knew it was true.  The friends I have, chose to be my friend, knowing full well I have a mental illness, They know.  I am real.  I am loved.  It made all the difference in the world to me.

You are never alone.  Everyone has someone that cares about them.  Everyone.  If you feel alone, stop and ask yourself is it because you are hiding part of you?  Are you being your true self and letting these people know and understand you?

 

It’s not to say that if you are feeling like you haven’t a soul in the world that it is your fault, but it does put some accountability back to you.

It’s easy, in times of trouble and despair to point the finger and blame others.  It lets us off the hook for our sorrows for a while anyways.    Saying that no one understands you, you are alone, is doing just that.  It isn’t your fault either.  Whether you are mentally disordered, or you are hiding that you have a mole with its own zip code on your derriere,  it isn’t  your fault. but that doesn’t  mean you  can’t change it.  When you take back some of the responsibility of that, it gives you the power to change your life.  With that comes hope.

Be real, be true, don’t hide who you are.  There are people who love you  and want to be in your lives.  They are called friends.  And you are never alone when you truly let them see you.

 

To Your Mental State, Whatever it may be…

~~~~~~~~~~

 Do you have mental moments? Do you have friends who have low times and need you? Are you there for them? Can you see past a friend’s disabilities to make and stay friends?

Leave comments and thank Lizzie for the fabbo Mental Moment just for M3! Then take scroll over to Running Naked With Scissors and Artsy Brain Fartsies (where she keeps her cool photographs and artwork).

Thank you for reading this M3 guest post! If you would like to guest post, contact me through Ask Momma!


(c) Ann Marie Dwyer 2012
Original text and images (c) Lizzie Cracked and Running Naked With Scissors
Re-Blogging of this or any other post on Momma’s Money Matters
is expressly forbidden.
Copyright and Privacy Policy available
in The Office. 



Spread the Love!

Pinterest



You know you want to share!


  • Add to favorites
  • Email
  • RSS
  • Tumblr
Content Protection by DMCA.com
Next Post
Leave a comment

29 Comments

  1. Great post , and very inspiring , your mental moments are always a great break in the day and thank you for sharing your experience with mental health issues as most people have no idea and its not a bad thing by the way. Most of the creative people suffer bi polar and depression etc – my friend dated a clinacly depressed comic ! I suspect I may have a few signs of some type of Attention deficit disorder but on the flipside I’m always having a million ideas .. but cant sit still for long enough to do them 😉 I guess Im trying to say that sometimes it can be a good thing and I agree that those who truly care always stick by you Xx Kel

    Reply
    • Welcome, Kel! Thank you for stopping by for the epic mental moment. I like your attitude toward your attention span. I have the attention span of a Mediterranean fruit fly…proudly claiming it for ages. Stop by the Green Room and leave a link to your blog. You will find many other terrific bloggers there as well. Nice to meet you. Red.

      Reply
      • Red..how long IS the attention span of a Mediterranean house fly exactly? and one more even biger question..does it have a tail? 😀
        Lizzie Cracked recently posted..To Fake or Not to Fake Mid Afternoon Mental MomentMy Profile

        Reply
        • ROFL! No tail. Two wings, six legs and a life span of a few hours. Females live five days, but the males breed and die. If you attend to something 20 mintues (average attention span), that is about 5 millionths of your life time. To translate that to MFF, the attention span is equal to about 4 one-thousands of a second for a female and 1.6 ten-thousandths of a second for a male. Yes, I have done the math…*grins*

          Reply
    • I struggle with the million ideas … lol.. glad you came over… I didn’t forget about the psych warfare question 😉 I am working on it. There are lot of writers and actors and artists and such that have mental disorders… I have always meant to explore that a little farther.. but I got sidetracked.. :-)
      Lizzie Cracked recently posted..To Fake or Not to Fake Mid Afternoon Mental MomentMy Profile

      Reply
  2. Hi Lizzie… Very well said. I found great clarity that applies directly to my own life.
    One thing that rang true and clear for me has to do with my ability to recognize the true friends from those just playing some kind of preconceived role toward me. Yes, I am bipolar. But that does not define me. Nor do my external circumstances define me.
    I feel better able to recognize insincerity from others. Insincerity is usually based on ignorance. Either 1) (lack of knowledge) not knowing/understanding and acknowledging the truth/worth of my feelings and/or 2) (ignoring/rejecting the value of said feelings) not caring enough to respond authentically, from the heart. In the resulting disconnect, I sense the “friend” is responding only to external circumstances, rather than to my expressed perception of and feelings about those external circumstances. In other words, they could be talking to anybody.
    With that clarity, I reclaim my power, understand that my solitude is my choice, move forward and live my life by choice. One day at a time. Sometimes, one thing at a time.
    While on the surface, it looks contraindicated for the feelings of aloneness, perhaps decreasing the quantity of connections I have, in fact improves the quality of the connections I have.
    A subtle yet powerful perception shift for me, facilitated by your honest/authentic perspective.
    Thank you many times over!!!

    :)

    PS Hi Red…
    BuddhaKat recently posted..Meet a Russell Sprout…My Profile

    Reply
    • Kat, I think that is important regardless of mental state. All too often, our friends are attempting to be what they think we need them to be when in honesty we need them to be who we met. Quality is raised when there are fewer distractions. If this means fewer connections, I do not see it as counterindicative…at all.
      Red. xxx

      Reply
    • I have to say I agree with Red.. and Kat I am glad you saw all that you did in my little piece here.. I understand what you mean about knowing intuitively if it is fron the heart… I know that the choice of solitude is actually an almost peaceful and comforting one wherein we don;t need to worry so much about being alone… I like my solitude too and have embraced and accepted it as a great place in my life.. which makes the choice of people I have… less in numbers but more in friendship…
      Lizzie Cracked recently posted..To Fake or Not to Fake Mid Afternoon Mental MomentMy Profile

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge

Pinterest
EmailEmail
PrintPrint