The world of (un)social media is filled with cats. This post is filled with not cats. More appropriately, it is filled with stopping being Schrödinger’s cat. To the science and math phobes in the audience, this is not a post about quantum theory and superposition, exactly.
Have you ever wanted to be something? We are not going to talk about education and training and employment. We are going to talk about being something for someone.
Dread Zones
From the people surveyed for this post, most all would prefer not to be caught in the Friend Zone. Those are the people in your social circle who you would connect to on a deeper or more physical level were it not for the fact you are friends. Being in the Friend Zone actually inhibits your ability to get into a deeper, more physical relationship merely by looking like a deeper relationship to the average onlooker, who may well want a deeper, more physical relationship.
The FWB Zone is equally as prohibitive. Most friends with benefits are looking for someone (else) with whom to start the deep, meaningful relationship replete with friendship, finishing one another’s sentences and double digit anniversaries. Far too often, the FWB meets perfect Mate, who is aghast at the stop gap.
No one wants to actively repel someone who may be the perfect Mate. Why do we do it?
Sharp Stick in the Eye
The Friend Zone and FWB are both better than nothing. We choose them above the obviously lesser alternative of spending time with our cats. The choice is often becoming Schrödinger’s cat: We have what we need in the moment while still needing what we do not have.
Okay, so maybe we are talking about superposition. We are getting our immediate needs met by friends or FWB (alive), while still not getting what we truly need in terms of long lasting relationships (dead). Meow.
We were just following the rules, right?
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WHY?
When we look closely, we are all those things. Why do we believe there is not someone else like us? For that matter, most everyone is those things on at least some level. No, we cannot possibly find viable relationships with every Tom, Dick or Sherry who comes along. Much more goes into compatibility than merely finding a person with the correct genitalia; however, those genitals do not make Mate unable to be all four of the people you seek. After all, do yours?
Have you ever considered finding a Mate who was you in another body? What makes us believe we are the only Tigger Schrödinger’s cat?
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Prenin
/ April 20, 2015I have many friends of all orientations and even had sexual relationships with a few, but I gave up further adventures for one simple reason: Everybody dies. 🙁
Better to have good friends than to invest so much in a relationship that when you lose your significant other (as I did) a part of you dies with them… 🙁
Love and huge hugs my friend! 🙂
Prenin.
Prenin recently posted..Sunday – Summer arrives.
Red of M3
/ April 20, 2015As a repeat widow, I disagree. Love is worth it. I have never lost my capacity to love intimately, despite having had partners die and others tear my world to bits. When one invests in a single relationship to the exclusion of all else, the motivation from without is abusive and from within is fear.
This really is about those who willingly choose to separate out one from the other on the grounds no single person can meet their needs. I find the entire thing implausible.
gigoid
/ April 20, 2015Milady Rouge,
To be honest, that has always been my goal, to find another Me, the one whose soul is the other half of my own… Thought I had done so a couple times, but, I haven’t found anyone yet who is willing to work at the long haul… S’okay, one can’t love another, truly, without being comfortable in their own skin, alone… and, I’m patient.
Besides, I know what happened to the cat…
gigoid, the dubious
P.S. I DID get a big chuckle at the fifth rule of Successful Relationships, though, which pushed out before the grim irony of it hit….
See ya, my dear…. and, in your turn, Blessed Be….
nrm
gigoid recently posted..Dastard Dan dolls on sale, this week only….
Red of M3
/ April 21, 2015I think the issue is not the lack of willingness for the long haul; instead, it is the pressure of believing we will be held to a standard which in our waning years we will be unable to sustain. While technically it is called a fear of commitment, it is actually a sign of honest character with an inability to communicate.
I wholeheartedly agree we must first love ourselves. Beyond that, we actually need to know for what we search. Looks to me like a series is being born… Merci, monsieur. xxx
Binky
/ April 20, 2015I just want someone rich with a good job who will do all the work in the relationship and not give me any problems or want anything back in return.
Red of M3
/ April 21, 2015Hmm, not sure what to call that. Even Sugar Mommas want something in return. 😛
Valentine Logar
/ April 20, 2015I sometimes believe it is an impossible quest. Really what I want is someone not like me, but instead like my best friend mostly, who pushes my boundaries, who is reliable, who doesn’t disrespect my space, who remembers I was whole and complete before they got there and will remain so after they arrived.
I think I mostly like my cats. Maybe I should just be the crazy cat lady with a few friends with benefits, who I love but don’t love enough to want to share space with. Is that possible?
Valentine Logar recently posted..By The Numbers: What Does Gun Violence Really Cost?
Red of M3
/ April 21, 2015There is nothing whatsoever wrong with loving the cats and your space. I think most have an issue with the last thing on your list. We have an innate desire to “fix” or “improve” damn near everything. I think your decision could be plausible; yet, I still feel your perfect fit is a possibility, frankly a probability. xxx
Bearman
/ April 22, 2015haha you got me on the five rules.
Thanks for the link to the auction!! 🙂
Bearman recently posted..Chuck Jones Red Dot Auction
Red of M3
/ April 22, 2015Giggles 🙂 You are very welcome.
Bearman
/ May 15, 2015Hey auction is done…you can remove!! 🙂
Red of M3
/ May 17, 2015Nope, just time to change the link and headline. 🙂
Bearman
/ May 19, 2015🙂
Tess
/ April 27, 2015At this stage of my life I like #2 best. I’ve been alone long enough, I’m not looking for a mate. Some days, I resent the cats vying for my attention; I can’t imagine changing my life to let in a human being. I’m fine where I am. I’m at a place where I’m happy and don’t wish to mess with it. To each his or her own. <3 <3 <3
Red of M3
/ May 1, 2015I was recently paid what I consider a very high compliment. “I love how much you laugh.” I replied I had earned my wrinkles the old fashioned way by laughing a lot. In the alone life, it is the thing I will always miss the most… someone with whom to laugh.
And I get the resentment at a cellular level… even if mine are dogs. <3 xxx
Gray Dawster
/ May 7, 2015I like the five rules offering at the end of your posting and I want all of those too, especially the good in bed part 😉 Well I only said 🙂
Have a fantastic Thursday Red 🙂
Andro xxx
Gray Dawster
/ May 7, 2015I like my new rabbit
picture / profile too 🙂 lol
Andro xxx