Who’s hungry?

Grab a fork!

Yesterday, we were talking peanut butter. Today, we are going to talk about a different source of protein, albeit a much more mysterious one. Sliced, baked, fried or just delivered as it arrives, we are going to plate up just a few. I only have enough for five plates: First come, first served.

Warning: This is only a clone.

After our foray into the meat alternative, I have been inundated with a new flavor of spam. When we had our discussion on wrong numbers, I made the idiotic remark the sex bots and the hatemail had slowed down. *Hangs head. Knows better.*

In a clear act of retribution for failing to supply the bots with appropriate keywords (we had not talked about porn or sex in nearly a week), the spiders decided to be a little more open-minded.

5. 10 Answers

After being tagged by Raven of Leyla, I answered some pretty straightforward questions with entirely innocuous, albeit true, answers. Finding spam attached to it did not entirely surprise me, but the message was revealing.

Divorce is a long process here in our country of NJ and it is very costly.”

Apparently, Zackary and Kaitlyn went to the same geography class. I shook my head thinking this was just another shining example of American education, until I investigated from whence it originated. Zackary offers state- (or in his case country-) specific escort services.

4. The Green Room

Many a fantastic blogger has visited the Green Room and left a link. (Is your blog listed yet?) Only recently have the bots discovered our little hangout. Some of the more… novel messages include:

I am not sure where you’re getting your info, but good topic. I needs to spend some time learning much more or understanding more.” (in response to Antigone’s Clamor)

You mention so much its nigh exhausting to contend with you (not that I really would want…HaHa). You definitely put a new revolve on a subject thats been printed nigh for age.” 

Nothing all that unusual? The first one comes from a work-from-home scam. The second one? An investment scam looking to sell me a Forex plan…which keeps the principal. Seriously? Who falls for this?

3. Who is Driving This Flying Circus?

No Children

As Impossible Robert pointed out in last night’s Friday Follies, teens and toddlers rarely coexist in a home. I have been provided with a few viable theories on why this is:

1. The part of the marriage where “hall sex” is had.
2. Too tired from visits to school, games and police lock up to fetch teen.
3. After the second or third one, sterilization was only path to sanity.
4. Parents ate subsequent young.

Joanne’s contribution of spam on this post was the typical fare:

Hi Joanne here! Excellent post. I used to be checking continuously this blog and I am inspired! Very useful information specifically the closing part  I take care of such info a lot. I used to be seeking this particular info for a long time. Thank you and good luck.”

Perhaps, Joanne thought my technique for procreating could use some brushing. What did she come bearing? A coupon for $10 off the Kama Sutra.

2. #TalkTuesday

Is this not the most fitting piece of like-meat to attach itself to a post about tolerance and respect?

Should be in the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere.

The very next time I read a blog, Hopefully it does not fail me just as much as this one. After all, Yes, it was my choice to read through, nonetheless I actually thought you’d have something useful to talk about. All I hear is a bunch of moaning about something that you can fix if you weren’t too busy looking for attention.”

Apparently, Delilah bot could not find one of the eight links to my hatemail address. Could anyone explain to me why bots send out spam from defunct websites? I would have loved to see Cheeeesee.com

1. The Menagerie

1. Just Another Train Wreck
2. Enough Frivolity
3. Get Over Yourself
4. Russian Roulette: An Introduction 
5. Is There A Doctor In the House?

In a brilliant example of how SEO is completely [expletive] stupid needs better design does not work, the bots attached to these posts missed one really crucial concept: They do not share keywords. Let’s review:

1. Celebrities and Fandom
2. Characteristics
3. Avoiding Divorce
4. Mental Masochism
5. Friday Follies

These five posts were singled out. They are the only ones to be affected to date. Side-by-side they fail the litmus test. While there are three which share some keywords, the three do not any one keyword. One post shares a keyword with two other posts.

I have now reread all five posts. I cannot find it. Perhaps, you will have better luck than I did.

At first, I thought it was the ongoing discussions about disabilities and handicaps. Then, I realized none of the ones we had discussed remotely qualified.

Why is it I am wondering what they were looking for in these posts?

Little Blue Pill

All of them (14 websites in total with more than 75 messages) are trying to sell me drugs, products and devices to cure my erectile dysfunction. I cannot begin to tell you all of the things wrong with that.

As irony would have it, not a single sex bot has attached itself to the one post on M3 about sexual identity. Go, figure.

BONUS

After all of the lovely suggestions, I want to share with you the response I sent to Impossible Robert:

Oh, Robert, I have been waiting so long for someone to finally see through the façade! You were so right about some things. I do have a job, but not in a day care. I work in a drive-through restaurant. The teenagers drive me to the brink of homicide. And half of them have sniveling toddlers in tow when they come to get their paychecks.

That is how I know about toddlers and teenagers. I hope you do not turn away from me because I do not have any children of my own. I have to keep up appearances on the Internet at least until I get some corporate sponsors. Please forgive me my charade.

No, I am not pregnant, but I feel quite certain after a few more email exchanges, we can get close enough to begin trying.”

~~~~~~~~~~

I hope your weekend has been spam-bot-free. Take a moment to give me an answer or answers to the new poll. If you missed the last one, scroll down and take it now. You may answer more than one choice and/or other. 

( c) Ann Marie Dwyer 2012
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