Chemically Speaking

In case you were not aware,

All buts are cracked.

All buts are cracked.

How true it is: All Buts Are Cracked. Research proves it goes far beyond the virtual world and deeply into the FAB world.


One of the chemicals in our brains (and other vital organs) which makes every day worth living is oxytocin. It makes us feel good. That barely describable feeling of benevolence, acceptance, warmth, love, compassion, empathy and attraction all rolled into one molecule.

Not this way.

Not this way.

Neurological-chemical research reveals oxytocin is released during all manner of events, including those associated with trust. When someone validates our trust, our brains get a quick dose of oxytocin. Conversely, when someone trusts us and we come through for them, we get another sweet taste.

When there are elevated levels of oxytocin in our bloodstream, we actually trust more. Our anxiety is reduced. We miss those close to us less. We bond to our families more. Orgasms happen. Healing quickens. Maternal instinct is kicked into overdrive. Bonding hastens. We act more social and pick up on more social cues. We see the innate goodness in others.

Looking at it…

This is what love looks like. (Thanks, Edgar, for the pic.)

This is what love looks like. (Thanks, Edgar, for the pic.)

Many people are not able to process the chemical facts of brain chemistry. Despite the chemical warfare of mental illness, oxytocin is one of the brain chemicals which overpowers all others. Once known, it is hard to imagine a scenario where any of us would choose not to partake in a legal (laudable, kind, no-hangover-afterward) high.

Some people are just buts. (No, that is not spelt incorrectly.)


When we are offered a chance to check up on others, only two options are available. 1. They are precisely as they present. 2. They are not what they present.

Either way, we are going to get a shot of oxytocin because 1. our trust in someone else is validated or 2. our trust in our instincts is validated. Win-win, right? One would think so.

Stupidity definition

Absolutely none of us wants to believe we are stupid. Frankly, we choose not to be. How often is that a lie?


A large portion of our trust is doled to those we hold dear, be they family, Mate, Partner, friends or BFF. We trust all of these people. Contrary to our natural instincts to be wary of others, we have chosen that natural high with these people. Have we chosen well?

checkboxTrust is based on honesty, accountability, reliability and consistency. We trust these people in particular to be honest with us, to be accountable for their actions, to give us reliable truths and consistently do and be what they say. In order to gauge the value of our choice, we need to look beyond the headlines.

It is not a fruitless exercise to fact-check. Arguably, it would be stupid not to check in some instances.

Yeah, But…

Why do we not check? Why do we believe no one would lie to us? Are we overdosed on oxytocin? Hardly.

When we take things at face value, we are saying,

Yeah, I know it sounds implausible, but…”

(All buts are cracked.)

  1. Partner is reliable.
  2. Mate looks out for my best interest.
  3. BFF loves me.
  4. Parent has never steered me wrong.
  5. Quaint has no reason to lead me astray.

All those fabulous reasons aside, the question called to mind is Why do pencils have erasers?

Cricket Chirping

Number One Reason: All of us make mistakes.

How much egg gets on our faces when we broadcast something later proved false? Would we not trust (Mate, Partner, BFF) infinitely more for pulling us to the side and gently saying, You may not want to repeat that.?

Think about how much anger, frustration and heartache is completely omitted when propaganda, rumors and outright lies disappear in the face of just a touch of due diligence. How much stronger would the bonds of trust be between us as acquaintances and friends? How much closer would you be to someone who kept you from looking stupid? Would you be more willing to do it if you knew it would help you be healthier?

Did you know neurological chemistry played a part in trust? Why would you be willing to validate trust? How much stronger would your relationships be?

Hashtags: #oxytocin #trust #friendship

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  1. All those fabulous reasons aside, the question called to mind is Why do pencils have erasers?

    Number One Reason: All of us make mistakes.

    I do crossword puzzles in ink.

  2. I do my crossword puzzles in ink too.
    I just cross them out if I goof.

    Thinking on this for now..

    ♥ Lizzie
    Lizzie recently posted..Revelations of the Medicinal SortMy Profile

  3. Just going out on a limb here….

    Do you not think if we all understood this better we wouldn’t try to be a bit more open, a bit kinder, a bit more loving. Maybe all those ancient books with the admonishments, you know the ones;

    “Love each other”
    “Do unto others”

    Maybe they knew more than they were letting on. Perhaps they knew all about the ‘high’ and just didn’t want to confuse the ancient brain with chemistry.

    For me? Chocolate, Tattoos and .. will for now I suspect that might be it other than a good friend to yank my chain and tell me to stay on course.

    Valentine Logar recently posted..Passing the BatonMy Profile

    • In fact, I think we would. Our literature is virtually covered with axioms which support this. Like many other concepts, even after there is research and proof, the “buts” continue to call the world flat.

      I think this dynamic is one which absolutely needs more exposure. Calls to mind a discussion of the morning which may make its way to a post as well. Perspective is a truly powerful thing.
      xxx <3

  4. I have found that trust is misplaced to often; and those that do not like being treated the way they treat others feel that way because they treat others as manure on their shoe.

    Trust is earned, and when you trust without reason it hurts more when it is broken. Slowly but surely me and the kid appear to be destined to be the only ones in our immediate circle.

    The trash is being removed piece by piece so that I may have peace. I will not keep anyone that is not trustworthy I cannot. My child deserves better.
    Laurie recently posted..Christmas VacationMy Profile

  5. I think we are all a whole lot stupider than we want to admit.

  6. It takes me a long time to trust and even then I tend to be watchful. Too much under the bridge you might say.
    I especially liked your question: Why do pencils have erasers? Seems I have one too. The eraser, I mean.
    Tess recently posted..On the Yangtze, Day 14, Part 3My Profile


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