The Hump Between Us

pregnancy test
  • Tell Mate. Check!
  • Tell bestie. Check.
  • Tell parents. (Braces self) Check.
  • Tell monster-in-law. Ugh. Check.
  • Tell children. Shoot me now.

Precisely how do you tell your children there is a (or another) sibling on the way?”

Age appropriate information is the only way.

Toddlers

Toddlers have a grasp of language, knowledge of the word “baby” and curiosity. Waiting until mom begins to show she is pregnant is best. Toddlers do not have the patience to conceptualize a week, much less nine months. If you can wait until toddler asks about the bump, that is even better.

If toddler overhears baby conversation, explain it in terms he understands. Give him his own calendar to mark days until baby arrives. This will help him cope with the waiting.

Engage him in nursery preparation. Here is your perfect chance to set boundaries between what is his and what is baby’s. You are heading jealousy off at the pass and elevating his status from “baby” to “big helper”.

Child 1

Children

Elementary school aged children grasp the concept of the baby inside. Even ones too small to be introduced the all the gory details of reproduction need to understand mom’s fatigue, lack of balance and waffle brain. Explain that “carrying” the baby around causes this.

Explain this is not a replacement child. Her place in the family is secure. Baby will be someone else who will adore her…especially if she has specific duties to help prepare and care for baby.

*Sigh* Tween

The 10-12 year old is complex enough without adding baby to the mix. If he is not already well-informed, this is the perfect opportunity to discuss from whence babies come and the dangers involved.

With the identity malaise of being a tween, he will need a little extra attention to settle on the fact you are not trying again to get it right. Spend extra one-on-one time doing what is important to him. It is essential for maintaining harmony and reinforcing the fact he is great the way he is.

Français : Affiche de la série Teenagers

Let that sink in for a moment. This breed of pseudo-adult is just as moody about pregnancy as she is about everything else. Do not wait to tell your teen. Insert her between the bestie and your parents. It may take her as long as you are pregnant to acclimate to the idea.

Revisit (often) how important she is in the family: Not just as a built-in babysitter, but as a sibling and nearly adult member of the family.

The Big Kids

Dreading telling your adult children you are expecting their younger sibling? Tell your adult child as soon as you find out. This is not the time to create trust issues.

It is, however, the best time to discussing parenting psychology, discussing life goals and real-time teaching of life skills.

It is all good.

Babies are a family event. Share the news. If not thrilled at first, they will love the new baby from the first time they hold it!

~~~~~~~~~~

(c) Ann Marie Dwyer 2007-2011
Reblogging of this or any other post on Momma’s Money Matters is expressly forbidden.
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8 Comments
by on December 8, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Communication, Parenting, Parenting Psychology, Pregnancy
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Posted by Red on December 8, 2011

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Letter to Santa

Dearest Saint Nicholas,

I know you may be surprised by the fact this letter is in the packing slip portion of a rather large box. Inside the box are the Christmas lists my children presented me, sans postage, to forward to you. Before you open the box, please take your nitroglycerin and have Mrs. Claus pour you a huge mug of hot cocoa while you read this preface.

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by on December 7, 2011  •  Permalink
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Posted by Red on December 7, 2011

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Tit For Tat

In the world of repentance and forgiveness, both parties have to be willing to meet somewhere in the middle, even if you cannot hit the bull’s eye with a Peterbilt.

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by on December 7, 2011  •  Permalink
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Posted by Red of M3 on December 7, 2011

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Writer Spotlight: Raymond Alexander Kukkee

Many visitors to the M3 Coffee Shoppe have pulled up a rocker to read Raymond’s newest creation, Morgidoo’s Christmas Carol. Raymond agreed to sit down and give M3’s readers a peek into his career, his life and his new eBook.

Raymond Alexander Kukkee

M3: So, Raymond, how about introducing yourself to the M3 readers?

RAK: I am a freelance writer living in Northwestern Ontario on the north shore of Lake Superior. I write fiction, short stories, poetry, how-to and other articles of interest. I  blog at  IncomingBytes  to  challenge people to think for themselves -and be proactive in their own lives.

M3: Where did you start in the industry?

RAK: I began writing Morgidoo’s Christmas Carol in 2005 and just recently published it as an eBook, but have been writing in all genres since 1985. My portfolio essentially remains unpublished, including short stories, children’s books,  a couple of novels and two full-length screenplays.

M3: Who do you thank for where you are now?

RAK: I do have to thank my wife and soul mate Wendy for her incredible encouragement and patience. Anyone that encourages, but can also leave a writer alone as necessary–and yet happily contributes  to a project —deserves kudos, thanks, and much love.

M3: How is Morgidoo’s Christmas Carol different from everything else out there?

RAK: Morgidoo’s Christmas Carol is written for the imaginations of all ages,– in some respects equally as an innocent story, a parable, an analogy, and a focus upon hope.

M3: How do you feel about your colleagues?

RAK: My colleagues are people I treasure as friends. I admire them immensely. Their wonderful writing abilities, skill sets, amazing resilience and persistence are all things that I strive for. I openly admit I have many, unofficial mentors. Some are highly successful, some not, but I’ve learned much from them. One thing I most admire is their tenacity and work ethic. They are all very helpful and dedicated people.

M3: Any advice for a newbie?

RAK: A writer’s best friend is persistence –so, write constantly and stay open-minded. If you write every time you turn around, you are a writer however others may define your work. Never stop writing.

M3: How do you find the time?

RAK: It seems to me you don’t find time, but rather make time. At times, you have to literally steal it from other pressing issues, personal time or sleep. Time is definitely an issue. Do writers ever really have personal time? The Muse does not seem to think so.

M3: Do you go on hiatus?

RAK: Personally, hiatus comes instinctively, something like “Procrastinators-R-Us”. Morgidoo’s Christmas Carol was developed over 5 years with some rather long periods of “other stuff”. Unanswered questions, doing  more complex projects, all seem to resolve themselves sooner or later, so I see hiatus is a good thing.

M3: Should we care if you have a “day job”?

RAK: No, since most of my own writing is the “midnight oil” version. I have always thought of mundane, ordinary “work”   as an opportunity to develop the mind, whether it’s doing a task at home or at a “day job”. Some of my best dialogue has been developed while doing dull “work”.

M3: What is in the works?

RAK: I have “one or more”  novels completed that probably should be published. There is some niche marketing stuff in the wings, and I also have children’s books that need illustrations and/or photos  that will likely be published as eBooks initially. If well-received, perhaps paper press is in the future for Morgidoo’s Christmas Carol. Meantime, blogging on Incoming Bytes keeps me scrambling, it’s a steep learning curve.

Morgidoo’s Christmas Carol

M3: What is one thing you hope I do not tell the M3 readers?

RAK: I hope you don’t tell the readers I only submitted my two full-length screenplays Substantial Incompletion (1993)  and The Burning of Vagus (1994) only once. That really wasn’t very persistent, was it…

M3: In 15 words or less, why should the M3 readers buy your book?

RAK: It’s unique. Morgidoo’s Christmas Carol  will eventually be a Christmas standard classic.

~~~~~~~~~~

Dear M3 Readers,

Take a few moments to check out Raymond and Morgidoo’s Christmas Carol. Be sure to stop by Incoming Bytes for a little mind exercise.

Thank you for your continued support of M3 and the many talented artists in the M3 Coffee Shoppe.

Red.
M3

~~~~~~~~~~

(c) Red Dwyer 2011
Reblogging of this or any other post on The M3 Blog is expressly forbidden.
Copyright and Privacy Policy available in The Office.
12 Comments
by on December 7, 2011  •  Permalink
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Posted by Red on December 7, 2011

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After Baby BFF

This post is dedicated to the pregnant women and their husbands and all the new mothers in the audience.

Women seek out friends in times of stress.

Why do your best girlfriends seem to change and the friendships fall apart when your baby arrives?

The Tide Turns

Your child has more power over your relationships than you ever imagined. The mother-child bond is so close it builds walls between you and your best girlfriend. She knows you well enough to know she has moved down your priority scale.

She tells you:

We were always there for each other. Now I barely exist.”

You could point out a few realities:

  • You average seventy (70) diaper changes per week.
  • You sleep in three hour segments (if at all).
  • You run an all night deli.
  • You hardly have time to remember if you’ve had a shower.

Solution: Think of your friendship as an asset, rather than a demand. Make and keep a steady date to spend time with your friend, even if you can only manage once per month. Email one another in between dates.

Friendship builds a buffer against sickness and helps you maintain a sense of mental well-being, often lost during sleep deprivation. Let your dates be something both of you can count on for stability.

She tells you:

All you ever talk about is the baby.”

You could tell her about the milestones, how excited you are about being a mom and how you don’t understand why she is not excited for you.

Solution: Listen first. Find out what is going on in her life and pay attention. Keep your baby news updates brief. The more you listen, the more she will, too.

She tells you:

Your baby interferes with our plans.”

You could tell her naps and feedings are better at certain times and in conducive environments (unlike the open air concert she invited you to attend).

Solution: Be realistic and vocal about your limitations.

  • You know you are completely spent after 8:00.
  • Set a dinner date for 6:00.
  • Explain why you need the meal earlier.
  • When you cannot go out, schedule a girl’s night in.
  • Share by going to her house from time to time.

She tells you:

We have nothing in common any more.”

You could tell her you have nothing in common any more. She has the single life or the newlywed life, and you are a new mom. Your priorities are different now.

Solution: Stay positive. You and she were friends before baby, and more than likely, you will be again. And she doesn’t need to rush out and get pregnant for the two of you to share again. Keep sending invites for kid-friendly affairs. She will join in when she is comfortable.

Is it really over?

If you have done your best, but the relationship is still floundering or is emotionally draining, pull the plug. There is no shame in calling it quits, if you do it right.

What is “right”?

It is not fair, and often hurtful and confusing, to abandon a friendship without saying anything. Do keep it impersonal. The end is not about her, but about the change in your life. Feel free to blame it on the baby.

A safe swan song is:

A new baby is just more of a time commitment than I thought it would be, and I cannot keep up with friends the way I did.”

Not all of your friendships are doomed during your delivery. Remember, friendship is like wearing a comfortable pair of shoes with a hole in the sole. You don’t have to censor yourself, and your friend sees the real you. The real you is now a new mother. That level of comfort is exactly the kind of friendship you really need.

~~~~~~~~~~

Have you stayed friends after a baby? Have you talked to your best friend before the baby arrives about what to expect and how you see your friendship changing?

~~~~~~~~~~

(c) Ann Marie Dwyer 2007-2011
Reblogging of this or any other post on Momma’s Money Matters is expressly forbidden.
Copyright and Privacy policy available in The Office. 
6 Comments
by on December 6, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Communication, Parenting, Pregnancy, Relationships
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Posted by Red on December 6, 2011

https://mommasmoneymatters.com/bff-after-baby/

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