Will You Poke Me?

This week’s Friday Follies from my inboxes brought a smile to my face, the occasional tear to my eye and an irrepressible desire to call the police.

I hate Mark Zuckerburg.

Social media has always creeped me out a bit. Maybe it was the early, no, is the persistent ($@&^) is the ever-present parade of cyber stalkers or maybe it was is the river of inbox Lothario’s. Either way, our first gem says it all.

Does this mean you will never poke me again?”

Red has not received your last poke.

Red has not received your last poke.

In response to (cue trumpets) OK, Now I Can Tell You, this man, who works at “If you don’t know you don’t need to know”, sent me an inbox message. I would have loved to stay blissfully in the dark about his delusional subscription love affair. Can you say 1-2-3 BLOCK?

To all my poking buddies, yes, I will still poke you back. So, why is this message so strange?

Playground Bully

I admit it. My playground.

This particular man is a cyber stalker. He does not qualify as an inbox Lothario because he never sent me any messages proclaiming his love (lust). Instead, he drooled and fantasized over my (not often reverent) profile pix and translated some hidden (love-filled) meaning to all of my statuses.

He was NOT on my friends list, had never sent a friend request, had poked me from the blind, had subscribed to my feed (thanx Facebook) and is now forever hidden from my view. Whew!

I need a bomb shelter.

Leprechaun with rainbow

In response to Just, Why?, a resident of Texas got really, seriously personal. She asked,

Why don’t you just come out of the closet already?”

By her estimation, the only people who write erotica are those “who don’t get none”. All righty then. Scratched my head a bit over what I would be doing in the closet…by myself, but sent her the following response:

I would, but the last time I did all the leprechauns got out.”

Still no response. (Whew! Again.)

Time to Sharpen the Horns & Hooves

English: Rat

No one likes a demon…or in my case a demoness. What earned me my tail? Humanity by Disney This tongue-in-cheek foray into my practical uses for lines from animated Disney movies was “just blasphemous”. REALLY?

You got no business saying those nasty things about sweet little kid movies.”

Wow. The Word according to Walt. She argued since cartoons were nothing more than innocent colorful screens to amuse small children, I had to have a “sick mind” to think those “twisted, evil thoughts”. Must never have tuned into Adult Swim on the Cartoon Network. Seth MacFarlane, anyone?

Guess what, lady. “You are a rat with wings.”


I have told you all over and over I have a short attention span. It is N.O.T.H.I.N.G. compared to the next Friday Follies winner who never got past the title of the post.

So what are you running here a porn site?”

Clueless in Seattle inquired over my post Take My Picture. I literally laughed so hard I cried over this full page email and some of the comments:

  • I wudnt mind taking your pic but I want you to take mine.
  • Do I need to buy a camera or can i use my iphone?
  • Is it just you or do you has other girls too?
  • My ex said i take good pictures but i cant get em published.

I can only imagine where he submitted them. *Shudder* Am I wrong to be thankful he did not include a picture of himself?

I hope your week was wonderful and your email boring! 

© Red Dwyer 2011
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