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SEP: What You Want

iced coffeeSaturday Evening Post time, so grab a cuppa and snuggle into a rocker. The fans are on high to chase away the evening heat.

Children tell you what they want as a matter of need. Without telling you what they want, they have no chance of getting it. Wise words these: If you never ask, the answer is always NO.

As adults, we get caught up in the fear of rejection. We are so afraid of hearing no, we choose not to ask. The desire is buried somewhere to be filed under the black hole of a folder named When the right person comes along, I will not have to ask.

When the desire passes, a new one replaces it. We toy with asking for what we want again and go back to the safe place of skipping the question for fear of the answer no. The black hole sucks in another concept.

As time goes on, we get to the place where we no longer have any idea what we want. We have forgone asking for what we want. Our natural progression is to try something, enjoy a portion of it, choose something new which is similar without the portions we do not like and repeat until we find the ultimate satisfaction of our desires. When we skip the part where we try something, we have no way of refining the desire into satisfaction because we no longer have a grasp on what we like.

Want ≠ Dissatisfaction

We are content with what we have.¹ Wanting something does not mean we are dissatisfied with what we have. Wanting a slice of cheesecake after a five-star meal does not mean the meal was lacking. The same thing applies in life.

In the rut, we get used to having those tried and true things we always choose. When the dessert cart comes by, we choose the same thing we had the last 47 times we ate in this restaurant. How sad is the idea our favorite dessert is sitting on the cart right beside our choice? It is no slight to the tiramisu to choose the cheesecake.

The weekly poker game is a standard social date. It can inhibit more intimate conversation because the game is the structure of the interaction. The same can be said of team sports, study groups and clubs. We use these social outlets to open the door to interaction with those who have similar interests. We lose interest in the people and in the groups when the groups’ foci become our only source of interaction.

What do you want?

I Married An Abductee.If we are not tasting new experiences, how do we learn what we want? Absolutely no one wants consider themselves boring, trite or complacent. Often we are handicapped by our situations into believing we have no opportunity to expand our horizons or have an adventure. We believe all we have is all we will ever have and stop asking the question, What do I want? Worse still, we believe what we have is more than we are entitled to have. Just as wanting is not the equivalent of dissatisfaction, wanting is not a show of ingratitude.

Ask the question, What do I want? Make a list. Figure out what you want. It does not have to be the only thing you want because you are welcome to want more than one thing and to change whatever you want when you decide if it was not as good as what you expected. Choose at least one thing from the list.

ASK FOR IT!

If you never ask the answer is always no

Open up. Seek out those people who may not be first choice.² Break the mold. Be bold in figuring out what could make you happier than you are this very moment. Be brave in seeking help being happier. Explore your world beyond what you already know. The surprise may just be what makes you happiest has been under your nose all along.

Too often nothing is ventured and the nothing which is gained is a measure of happiness.


¹ If you have not read the link, find out the difference between being content and being happy. Knowing the difference is the key to being happier.

² Being first choice is not always what is seems. Read this post to see how choosing something different than what we first think is best can turn out better than we imagine.

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14 Comments

  1. It’s very inspiring to read this kind of blog. Thanks and God Bless.

    Reply
  2. Sometimes you know, content is fine. Sometimes, sinking into just being comfortable in our own skin and our own four walls, is just perfect. Other times, reaching out to the unknown is better and asking for more, as hard as it is, well it is the thing to do. Stretching for that place in the sun, might work our nerve but it also works our passion. I think I balance between the two, all the time.
    Valentine Logar recently posted..Crawling BackMy Profile

    Reply
    • I have lots of places where I reached for my place in the sun and am content to bask in that perfect spot. For all the other dreary corners, I am still asking and reaching. <3 xxx

      Reply
  3. No wonder the manager here always looks annoyed, not matter how many times he says no I keep asking to make alterations his boss would have a coronary over on the premise that he can alter the contract merely by granting permission.

    I change my mind a few hundred times a day, and my first choice is rarely the one I go with. Now following my first instinct more often would serve me well, but that’s a different post all together.
    laurie recently posted..ExhaustionMy Profile

    Reply
  4. I don’t need much these days, except for heavy lifting and if I’m blocked in the garage. I have no alternative but to ask for help, otherwise, I’m comfortable with myself.
    Tess recently posted..#BlogBattle – Week 14My Profile

    Reply
    • I entirely get the heavy lifting!! I hope you are off to a brilliant beginning of summer, Tess. xxx

      Reply
  5. I love this posting as it brings out the flavour of life, it offers everyone that reads it a chance to explore their inner self, seek out the pleasures that one had not even begun to taste.

    I think this is very true for so many people, sitting back comfortable, not realising the samey ways and never pushing themselves forward nor reaching higher than what they already have for a fear of rejection, or declining something that could make all the difference in their lives.

    After all, by thinking more adventurously the world could open up in so many different ways, maybe even in a direction that was only dreamed about yesterday, and yet today the dream has become a reality. I like that thought.

    Andro xxx

    Reply
    • Your summation is excellent. The dreams of today can very well be the realities of tomorrow, be they inventions, improvements or relationships.

      Good to see your handsome face on your profile again, rather than your rabbity alien. 🙂 Happy Monday, dear friend. xxxx

      Reply
      • Perhaps I should act upon my words and get that book finished, I have been so busy lately that it has taken a back seat but I will complete it my sweet friend.

        I don’t know if I have mentioned this before but thank you for your patience and true friendship my dear Red, you are and always have been a true diamond for everyone 🙂

        Andro xxx

        Reply
  6. Most people could probably do with a lot less than they have, yet most probably do not have what they truly want.
    Binky recently posted..10K RaceMy Profile

    Reply
  7. I want a cookie please.
    Usually I want a donut and I never ask 🙂
    My therapist after I was divorced from someone who only cared i did things how he wanted told me once to always stop and ask myself before I go to do something… What does Lizzie want? It did take me a long time to figure that out again. Now I just forget to ask. This is a great reminder.
    Much Love <3
    Lizzie

    Reply
    • Looks like I am going to have to start baking again. I have a long fanged cookie monster at home now. 🙂 xxx

      Reply

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