Right turn, Clyde.
Orangutans are a lot like humans when it comes to predators: They have nearly nothing to fear. Although others may be stronger or faster, they possess faculties to escape becoming prey. Us? Not so much.
Teeth
Rarely are humans prey for predators from other species. Instead, humans prey on one another. They are content to suck the marrow from the lives of others in a vain attempt to create a reality for themselves.
Over time, we learn from one another better ways to accomplish tasks, safeguard ourselves and become more fulfilled in the everyday successes. Necessarily, the process is a give and take situation where those who have experience to offer share their wisdom with others.
The conversations begin easily enough. One person speaks of a conflict or life issue, and the other responds with how the same or similar event played out as personal experience or as witnessed in someone else’s life. Either way, ideas are shared, and both parties gain.
Saboteur
Self-inflicted
Occasionally, whether by conscious or unconscious intent, we sabotage our own lives. When we look closely at our crumbled worlds, there really is no denying the person at fault. We do it. We have to look at why before we can plot a course to stop sabotaging ourselves.
Not Me
The most prevalent reason one sabotages one’s own life is to evade responsibility. If all of our eggs are in someone else’s basket, when they take a header, we scream it is not our fault. We trusted someone to take care of us, and they are the one who failed.
Not me is almost never true. First, we know the ability of the people we trust, in most instances. Humans tend to issue less trust than is due, so it follows the responsible person we choose is adequate. If we know in advance the person is not graceful enough to walk on a six-foot sidewalk, it really is our fault for trusting someone without the necessary ability to safeguard our interests.
Inevitable
Disaster happens. If, however, once the waters begin to rise you skip the evacuation order, the rescue boat and the helicopter, you do not get to complain when you drown.
How we react to disaster, natural, physical or emotional, is clearly our purview. When we react badly to unfavorable circumstances, it really is our fault.
Heartbreak
Not everyone we date is marriage material. How soon we recognize our current date is not going to be our spouse determines the onset of self-sabotage tactics. If we date a really nice person, we can enjoy a few months of apparent bliss before we start doing things to destroy the relationship. We know they are not marriage material, so we better break it up before they can leave us.
Without a doubt, this is our fault.
Victimhood
Victims are real. They traverse a cycle of grief and reconstruction to bring back a person they can recognize as themselves, albeit changed by their experiences. Perpetual victims are exercising a choice.
When we are in constant need of a savior, it really is our fault. Some of the incarnations are:
- Constant need of money
- Never enough personal items (clothing, household)
- Incessant need for transportation
- Inability to feed self and/or family
- Habitual state of need for children (babysitting, diapers, school supplies)
- No gifts (holiday, birthday)
- Insatiable need to be entertained
- Burns through friends and family quickly
Where the money goes.
If we arrive hung-over, thirty minutes late to work three days per week, we do not get to cry victim when we are fired. When we have wrecked the third vehicle in a year and we still owe money on two, we do not get to cry victim because no one will sell us another one. It really is our fault.
If we cannot consistently supply our own personal needs and those of our children, it really is our fault. When we have a 60″ television and no groceries, it really is our fault. If we are out every weekend with friends and asking for help with diapers on Wednesday, it really is our fault. We need money management classes and counseling on setting priorities.
Right Turn, Clyde!
Self-sabotage stops when we take responsibility for ourselves. Little successes build on one another until we are certain in our ability to make good decisions.
Me
Carry our own basket full of eggs. Be sure to leave a few at home in the refrigerator in case the basket drops. It is our life. These are our eggs. We can do this.
Survive
No matter the disaster, we know someone who has survived this disaster. Use that $800 app device to call someone and ask questions. If we do not, we know how to download a free ebook which can show us step-by-step how to survive well. Do not wait for the boat; catch the evacuation before it is declared. We can do this.
Love
Even if a relationship is not going to last forever, there is absolutely no reason to destroy it before it runs its course. Talk to your partner about the realization dating is fun, but it is not leading to the altar. Together, decide to have fun for as long as it lasts. When it stops being fun, or one of you meets marriage material, be adult enough to say, “Thanks for the memories!” We can do this.
Hero
Our biggest heroes are the ones who never ask for help and can provide help to nearly everyone who asks. Most often, the person coming to the rescue does not have a printing press for twenties in the basement. This person knows how to budget, sticks to it and follows through.
Make commitments and stick to them. Anticipate needs and secure necessary items. Prioritize, plan and execute. If the plan is the hard part, ask someone who is already doing it to demonstrate. All of us can do this.
When we take responsibility for ourselves, life continues to get better because we stop sabotaging our own success. Disasters happen less frequently. People who are willing to help stay around. Friendships and relationships last longer.
It is enough to make an ape wonder…
Have you overcome self-sabotage? Have you helped anyone else overcome it? Name one other way people self-sabotage.
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Binky
/ August 9, 2017I think most of us shoot ourselves in the foot sometimes. Hopefully we can eventually learn that that is not the most productive thing to do and we can figure out how to overcome our own shortcomings.
Red of M3
/ August 17, 2017Aye, I think admitting we have shortcomings is the first and best step. Great to see you!