With the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere bursting at the rivets, the 48th edition of the M3 Friday Follies will be served with a smattering of Foolishness, just in case you somehow missed the largest surprise party ever held. Standard warnings apply: Drink out of reach to reduce spraying. The lights are going down. I hope you have been to the head.
Begin at the Beginning
After volumes of posts about reading the directions, it is no wonder our first contestant, hatemailing from Mississippi, had issues with Leftovers. While I am to blame for bringing you year-round recipes which can use leftovers, the problem was more in my delivery. Check out what Maddy had to say.
Why you said 1/4 dicing carrots was a good idea? I tried that and the carrots would not fit in the pan. Yea sure where I made all the crossed hatches on it it cooked fine but the whole middle of the carrot was still hard. You really should just copy the recipes and not add stupid directions that screw up the food. I wasted 15$ on that [expletive] and nobody could eat none of it.”
Once I got off the floor and quit snorting, I could not keep a straight face. Good thing I do not video the messages back.
I have a few suggestions for your next cassoulet:
- Buy canned carrots
- Do not double the recipe
- Adopt a dog
She really should not buy carrots from Andro’s skeleton grocer.
Still Can’t Cook
If we listen to Mark, I cannot cook venison either. Hatemailing from Montana, where apparently everyone should know I cannot cook, our second contestant had issues with the method in Flash in the Pan. Just wait, we will get there. I promise.
You can’t be cooking a deer on a spit. The legs are too long. They would just scrape all the wood out of the fire and get all dirty.”
I had to blink five times to get the picture of what he was talking about to actually register in my brain. Then, I needed to find the post he was talking about because I knew I had not posted a recipe for venison. That is when it occurred to me he was having flash issues.
You really should have read all the other entries for Flash in the Pan. You would have found out that across all of the blogs listed on the page, we have managed to breed a specific deer which has achondroplasia. If you would like to learn about the basics, you would need to read at RNWS. Lizzie knows her midgets.
When someone can get it that wrong in less than 125 words…
Lost in Translation
Far be it from me to stick to one language. While my Spanish, Italian, Yiddish, Japanese and German are excruciatingly limited, my English, French, Latin, Coonass and Greek are not. Brenda’s, on the other hand, are something else entirely. Hatemailing from Massachusetts, Brenda was as clearly confused as her browser.
You need to fix your blogsite. Google translate cant translate the whole page. It cant even detect the language you wrote it in.”
Oh, well, if Google cannot understand, that must mean there really is a problem.
My email to Google has been filled with righteous indignation. While they are fixing the blatant deficiency in their software, might I suggest an alternate reference?
Who wants to lay odds she has never heard of that?
Considering the oppressive rules at M3 (no religion, no politics), I am always amazed at those who consider me a bigot. Nothing could prepare me for being called such by Ronit. Hatemailing from New York, she was quick to point out my deficiencies in a post with… wait for it… no words.
Don’t you know not all of your audience is afflicted with Christianity? How demeaning for you to put up those gaudy pictures with not one representation of the major religions of the world. You are shamefully intolerant and close-minded.”
It took me
a while 0.081 seconds to pick a religion in which to answer, but I think I may have gotten the right one.
Oh, Ronit. You really should read around a bit more. The posts with words explain I only use the pictures to draw in those of lesser intellect. Do not worry. Erzulie Dantor has it all under control. May the loa bless your Bath of Christmas!
I wonder if she would send me a lock of her hair.
Act Your Age
When I started Tarnished Silence, I knew there would be a large portion of the M3 Readers who would pass on the topic. Those who did not were pleasantly surprised by the uplifting, nostalgic answer to the initial conundrum. Everyone, that is except Darnell. Hatemailing from Ottawa, Darnell thinks I should grow up.
Not everybody is still in the 5th grade. Most married folks are not still making mix tapes for their husbands and wives by the time they die. either you are the worst actress or just stupid. Nobody that lost a husband would be listening to their kids music or what their parents listened to. They are crying over the songs they danced to at their wedings.”
So much snark. So little email. Let’s get interactive.
I will have you know I am not in the fifth grade. The Internet is only accessible to those over 13, and then only with parental permission. Did your parents give you permission? Why is there no nanny software on your parents’ computer?
Have you heard some of the songs they play at weddings these days? It is enough to make anyone cry… with or without a Mate.
I have been doing some research on your statement about generational music. If what you say is true and music should not span the generations of families, do you explain the following incomplete (completely off the top of my head) list of families who perform(ed) together, in the same genre or in skipped generations, as merely a statistical anomaly?
- Hank Williams, Sr. and Jr.
- Sister Sledge
- Johnny and Rosanne Cash
- The Judds
- The Cowsills
- Frank and Nancy Sinatra
- The Beach Boys
- The Wainwrights
- Rod and Ruby Stewart
- The Winans
- The Kelly Family
- Billy Ray and Miley Cyrus
- The Albion Band
- Eddie and Wolfgang Van Halen
- The Isaacs
- The Gordys
- The Rankin Family
- The Belle Brigade
- Bob and Pablo Dylan
I guess those are all just coincidences.
Should we send him a subscription to YouTube?
The Gift of Foolishness
If you were entirely absent from the Internet yesterday, it is only slightly possible you missed El Guapo’s birthday party. If you did, you are excused to go vote in the poll. We will wait. Really. I need your answers.
Right, then. Only one gremlin popped from the waves of Foolishness. Your final contestant tonight is Jon. Perhaps, we should just call him Barney for short. Hatemailing from the surf shore of California, he has… not just issues… a whole subscription. A highlight reel?
- Is that like the only song in America anybody knows for surfing?
- I bet “the handsome” never took off.
- Like that dog has ever been on a boogy.
Your turn. What shall we pen to Jon, who is probably a Wilma? And should we include a pic of Guapo (yellow lederhosen optional)?
I hope you week has been free of hatemail, Google Translate, Wilmas, family bands and discriminatory pictures of holiday decorations. Thank you for joining me for the 48th edition of the M3 Friday Follies from the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere! Until next week, have a terrific weekend.
What shall we send to Barney and Darnell? Can you name another multi-generational music group or musical family? What do you want to cook next… not on a spit?
Just a bit of business: If you have not been to the 5,000 page, please stop by. We are building a YouTube playlist named “Reminds you of Red”. Drop a YouTube link to a song which reminds you of me. If you are not on Facebook, drop your link in the comments, if you would be so kind. You can view the playlist so far on the M3 Channel.
© Red Dwyer 2012
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