It is Friday night, and unless you have been off of the Internet for…ever…you know what that means. Time for Friday Follies because the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere is open. Warning: Do not read this with anything liquid in your mouth. Some users add…or your bladder.
Trust Shattered
The morality police came out in force over last week’s SEP. No, they were not bemoaning all the porn images and text. Well, not the images at least. What were knickers in a knot over? Let’s let Nadia explain it to you. Hatemailing from Rhode Island, she has been nominated spokes(wo)man for the gaggle of gawkers and tskers.
Why does this place not have an adult warning on it? With such awful language, you really need to warn people this place is meant for mature audiences. Some readers have children, don’t you know.”
Like who? I would not know anything about having children. Form letter time.
Right turn, Clyde.
Thank you for visiting M3. Whilst your concern has been duly noted, the occasional use of profanity on the blog in no way qualifies it for an adult warning label. In fact, only 0.000447% of the words on M3 are expletives. This rate of occurrence is considered incidental rather than intentional.
Additionally, the word in question is in both fact and deed the cause of children. I discovered the cause for pregnancy at a young age and repeated the process until I felt I had an adequate number of children. If you would like to shelter your children from colloquial terms for the biological function responsible for their conception, it is, of course, your prerogative.
The children are their utmost concern, but they leave Internet web pages available unattended for long enough for a child to read to the bottom of an SEP? Better still, I love they are so inept they miss the orangutan flipping them off long before they got there. Apparently, they cannot be offended by profanity in sign language (wicked note to self…).
Double Dose
Two poems on M3 this week broached the subject of death. Speed took us on a ride which ended badly. Lost in Cyberspace asked the questions we wonder about friends who turn up missing in the virtual world. Where the first contemplated the finality of choices we make, the second explored the absence of choice. If any one can tell me how they were unclear, I am all ears.
Or maybe I am all eyes. Let me introduce Ted. Hatemailing from New Mexico, he was certain I had been right about Mantra’s intentions toward me for the second poem.
No one just disappears. There is always someone who lets real friends know something has happened. If you were really friends, they would have told their family about you and someone would have known who you were. If you disappear, everybody would notice the complete lack of [expletive] on the internet.”
What a complete validation! Here is my thank you note back to Ted.
Would you please sign the following release giving me permission to use your online profile picture and quote you (with appropriate edits)? M3 is thrilled to have your endorsement of its ability to propagate quality content on the Web. We will, of course, correct your spelling of [expletive] to “content”. It is just one of the many editorial services we provide to our clients and patrons. Thank you for your support of M3! Keep reading!
Do you think anyone would miss Ted?
Just say, “NO!”
I am quite comfortable with inquiries into my sanity, after all I have papers. On the other hand, I am not so comfy with our next contestant. Jasper hatemails from Pennsylvania to inquire into the source of my imagination. In pertinent part, his hatemail read:
You really got to get help. Dont be ashamed. Lots of famous people need help. All you have to is contact these people and they can help you get over the demon.”
Just say, “Put it on my tab!”
Yes, I wanted to know what he was reading, so I went to Fast Forward to see if I could find what he was seeing. Do you see what he was seeing? Really? Oh, come on. Really? *Sigh*
Jasper was really concerned I was using bath salts or some other hallucinogen for inspiration and referred me to the St. Joseph Institute for addiction treatment and detoxification.
Follow me!
Although we have had a couple hatemailers make repeat appearances in the Friday Follies, proof positive came this week some of them must have M3 bookmarked. What brings me to that conclusion? Two things…
ONE
In Creatively Speaking, I asked for your opinion. Some of the hatemailing answers I received proved those who sent them had been around for a Friday Folly…or fourteen. Some of the suggestions included the following:
The absolute evillest. Circa 04MAY12
Circa 23MAR12
Wait for it…10FEB12
Another suggestion was more geared to the ultra-top-secret porn portion of M3 and is not suitable for mixed company, although it requires mixed company.
One hatemailer from Ontario suggested the icon for poison, whilst one from Florida thought the aftermath of a hurricane or tornado was another brilliant suggestion.
TWO
Some of the faithful M3 Readers noticed the problems on Tuesday. M3 was nearly inaccessible for most of the day, secondary to a WP login failure. Do you recall any of the following names?
Jock (From South Dakota)
John (From Tennessee)
Shanna (From Colorado)
These are three of the hatemailers who have told me I should be taken off the Internet or should stop writing altogether. You may recall Jock went so far as so hire an attorney. Guess what…
You get to guess which one of them penned the following:
Finally! Somebody has been able to shut down that God-forsaken blog! Praise Jesus. I really wish I could get in touch with whoever got your site removed so I can find out how they did it. There are about 100 more just like yours spreading lies and filth on the Internet. I am going to pray you find a job where you can’t be a danger to yourself or anyone else.”
You read the past hatemail and see if you can figure out who wrote it. Then, you get to help me pen a response! No holds barred, okay?
~~~~~~~~~~
I hope your week has been free of hatemail, logos, profanity and drugs. Thank you for reading the 31st edition of the Friday Follies, brought to you compliments of the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere. Until next week, enjoy the company of someone furry. I am certain I will…
Isn’t he darling?
Who penned the returning hatemail? What do we need to send to tonight’s late entry? Can you help design a form letter for all the, ahem, alternative suggestions for the Redmund label?
Valentine Logar
/ June 29, 2012My memory isn’t working today, but do you think my prayers that you stay will outweigh his/her/its prayers that you continue? I think so.
Ijits all.
No help right now, perhaps later after dinner and yes even a glass of wine tonight since I forgot my meds last night.
Valentine Logar recently posted..In Your Absense
Red
/ June 29, 2012I think we shall have to have a virtual toast tonight, as my blood pressure may be signalling the need for a Merlot.
George
/ June 29, 2012Wow! I haven’t been in a good hater fight since 2009 when I was unceremoniously attacked. You must be doing something right for people to allocate time to pointing out your need to perish instead of finding other fun, more interesting things to do.
The internet is an amusing place and can be quite fun, but I don’t know why folks hate on certain websites. It’s not like you can turn the dial and there you are. In order to get to our sites, a viewer would have to put in the “combination” (type in the url or book-mark it). You don’t bump into it on happenstance. They have to seek you out in order to hate you.
Sounds like insanity, doesn’t it? 🙂
Uh-oh…here they come.
George recently posted..Death Wishes
Red
/ June 29, 2012You said it, George! These fools fill my inbox and comments every stinking week. If I had a dollar for every death threat and wish my blog would evaporate into cyberdust, I would take a year long cruise around the world. Welcome to Friday Follies…This is the 31st week. Did you bring your tin foil hat?
George
/ June 29, 2012I’m afraid all I brought was a dunce cap, Red. But I made it myself.
Here’s an old comic I created back in 2009 to express my feeling towards trolls and haters who wanted to frequent my site: 🙂
http://addanaccity.com/wordpress/index.php/2009/07/15/master-hating/
George recently posted..Death Wishes
Red
/ June 29, 2012Oh, George! That is brill! Dunce caps work pretty well as offense, but no so much as defense. Is it zombie proof?
Laurie
/ June 29, 2012Shanna?
For someone that is determined to have me shut down you seem to have a love affair with reading all that my God-foresaken blog holds. Allow me to add you to the mailing list, so you can continue to increase your vocabulary. It is obvious you are being more refined maybe one day you can write more than an email too.
……….it’s missing something but the lack of a lawyer and correct spelling leave John and Jock out of my choices.
Red
/ June 29, 2012LOL! I have considered MORE THAN ONCE I should subscribe everyone who hatemails to the daily digest. e.v.e.r.y. single one.
I forget who I am
/ June 29, 2012I am terrible with names so I won’t even go there. I will say though that a lot of the ones commenting on your postings are repeats. If they find it so upsetting, Why do they keep coming back?? There must be something there.
I love it when people criticize language.. I’m will be more than willing to say that if their children have that innocent of ears then they have never gone to a public school or been near a male when something has made the male very angry…
Opinions are like belly buttons and anuses, everyone has one. Keep up the good work. Love it <3
Red
/ June 29, 2012Bellybuttons! <3 *giggles* Most of the hatemailers are repeat offenders. They have looked at at least three to fifty pages to come up with some of their complaints. I do not think any of my children had not heard those words before they were old to read them. Sheesh. Panties in a bunch. <3
MJ Logan
/ June 29, 2012Well, at least Jasper did recognize that you are famous. Maybe that’s why you attract so many trolls.
I have no idea which of the three sent you the hatemail, but do send whichever one it was a picture of Clyde. The one where he’s counting on his middle finger.
MJ
MJ Logan recently posted..Hero
Red
/ June 29, 2012I am nearly positive they all live in the same asylum with an IP address scrambler. Ugh.
Red recently posted..Creatively Speaking
Liquorstore Bear
/ June 29, 2012Okay, I’m guessing Jock. Don’t know why, just a hunch.
Visited a blogging friend (like, went to his house) the other day and he said “Don’t feed the trolls.” LOL, how can you not when they keep swooping in? They can’t resist you. These people are hilarious.
Liquorstore Bear recently posted..Magic underwear, magical thinking
Red
/ June 29, 2012I tried starving them for the longest, but the temptation to snark them is just too great. To quote Oscar Wilde, I can resist anything except temptation… Great to see you tonight, LS Bear!
Lizzie Cracked
/ June 29, 2012I think it is Shanna – I have a recollection of an outspoken religious ..lady.. 🙄 from Colorado sticking in my brain – because I remember being surprised …I had pegged her for a backwoods southern state… no offense intended to anyone who lives there…. .
I am reluctant to tell you this but since you repeatedly appear with blasphemous statements, I feel it is my duty to save you from yourself and let you know you are spinning your wheels praying to Jesus about my blog. I have way more clout with the powers that be than you can ever hope too.
While i am always delighted to see your reactions to the lies and filth here in my inbox, really you should just go ahead and subscribe, I wonder why it is that you don’t leave your glorious observations in my comment box and not here. I am sure you will find many others willing to engage you in intelligent dialogue regarding your myopic observations It would be so much more
fun and satisfyingrewarding to let my regular readers be enriched by your perspective and interact with you.Name dropping will get you no where with me, if you insist on continuing to threaten me with praise to Jesus, I will have to go above his head. IfI must call on the Big guy, you will most certainoly have reason to pray. — I guess they could be three seperate answers… not really a cohesive thought but hey its what I got … Much love – more than they can hate for sure <3 Lizzie
Lizzie Cracked recently posted..Gratitude is Not That Hard, Mid-Afternoon Mental Moment
Red
/ June 30, 2012I LOVE THIS! My dear, I am certain you have hit this one dead on the head. ROFL! I love the whole “my god is bigger than your god” routine! *giggles* I think I may just have to subscribe them all. I could put a footer in the email… “You have just won a year’s subscription!” LMAO! <3<3<3
Lizzie Cracked
/ June 30, 2012aw shucks.. I love the keychain idea!
I also toyed with – you can pray all you want to Jesus but Karma can kick his holy back end any day of the week…
but that might have been a little strong 😉
Lizzie Cracked recently posted..Gratitude is Not That Hard, Mid-Afternoon Mental Moment
Red
/ June 30, 2012I am the Karma bus driver. *giggles*
Lizzie Cracked
/ June 30, 2012ohhhh yea…that;s gooood.. hee heeeeee
Lizzie Cracked recently posted..Gratitude is Not That Hard, Mid-Afternoon Mental Moment
El Guapo
/ June 30, 2012Holy crap, I take back my comment. Yes, this is the response you should go with! Brilliant!!!
(can you add a logo’d keychain to go with the subscription?)
El Guapo recently posted..Friday Foollishness – Creamy/Crunchy Edition
Red
/ June 30, 2012ROFL! Reading the comments pays around here!! Only if you go to Creatively Speaking and help me with the whole logo thing…
Lizzie Cracked
/ June 30, 2012don;t mind me just clicking the little box..
Lizzie Cracked recently posted..Gratitude is Not That Hard, Mid-Afternoon Mental Moment
Red
/ June 30, 2012I will just answer here so you get pinged 😉 If you forget, reply to your own message. This is a smart one which only emails when someone comments on your comment (not the whole post). I live smart plugins 😉 <3
El Guapo
/ June 30, 2012Honestly, even i can’t bend the twistier parts of my mind to figure out who wrote that.
But as a response, I would go with
“Thank you so much for your interest in protecting the internet from lies and filth. Sadly, in my travels, I’ve found there to be a lot more than just 100 other sites.
To make your tracking of them much easier, and give you so many more tortured souls to pray for, I’ve taken the liberty of sending your email address to as many as my friends and I could possibly find.
Thank you so much for your concern, and I hope you find the emails soon to flood your inbox to be exactly the kind of thing you are looking for, to help those tortured souls as well.”
Of course, I wouldn’t send that email. I don;t like to advertise my good works.
hehehe
Also, I wonder what the rest of Jasper’s email was that qualified it as hatemail. Honestly, I didn’t see anything awful about the sentiment of the clip you posted…
Granted, his grasp of syntax and context may need some work, but still…those bath salts can be a fierce monkey on your back!
El Guapo recently posted..Friday Foollishness – Creamy/Crunchy Edition
Red
/ June 30, 2012I will grant him that one was off the wall, but my only contact with hallucinogens has been the whole staying up for days at a time with sick children making me gonzo since….decades….plural. His suggestion was not nearly as funny as one for a while back… Tina was worried about me, too.
Lizzie Cracked
/ June 30, 2012I can not help myself and you must know it… are you sure its a monkey? because I am wondering – it has a monkey kind of shape.. but what about the tail?
Did you really walk right into that? 😉
Lizzie Cracked recently posted..Gratitude is Not That Hard, Mid-Afternoon Mental Moment
El Guapo
/ June 30, 2012GAH!!! You’d think I’d have learned by now…
*sigh*
El Guapo recently posted..Friday Foollishness – Creamy/Crunchy Edition
Lizzie Cracked
/ June 30, 2012repitition… I like the Ninja approach… I should let you slip through every now and then..
Great response btw – I like the giving the email to friends and way nore than 100… maybe add a poor ignorant slut at the end of that.. ? 😉
such a cheeky monkey.. last I checked..yes..tail.
Lizzie Cracked recently posted..Gratitude is Not That Hard, Mid-Afternoon Mental Moment
Soma Mukherjee
/ June 30, 20121) Dear Nadia,
Have you ever tried not involving your kids in blog reading process…i mean its not a family( or group) activity you can opt for reading them alone too….
2) Dear Ted thank you for letting us know you are a stalker..
3)Der Jasper thanks at least you acknowledged that Red is Famous and a celebrity,kindly let your tribe of hate mailers know that..and yes we did try take her to a witch doctor and tried to get the demons out but Red knew more Mantra’s ..
AMAZING JUST AMAZING
not only hate mailers read every post of yours and forward it to their tribe but some of them read them out with their kids!!!
Soma Mukherjee recently posted..A Story Straight from kangaroo’s pouch
Red
/ June 30, 2012I have never once gotten over the people who object to the things they see on the Internet because they have children. They have always believed we (the content producers and those who forward the content) should censor our use of the Internet because they have failed in every respect to safekeep their own children. Really? I think I should go to their house and remove all the butter knives from their kitchens. Children hurt themselves, don’t you know?