Alternative Suggestions

It is Friday night, and unless you have been off of the Internet for…ever…you know what that means. Time for Friday Follies because the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere is open. Warning: Do not read this with anything liquid in your mouth. Some users add…or your bladder.

Trust Shattered

The morality police came out in force over last week’s SEP. No, they were not bemoaning all the porn images and text. Well, not the images at least. What were knickers in a knot over? Let’s let Nadia explain it to you. Hatemailing from Rhode Island, she has been nominated spokes(wo)man for the gaggle of gawkers and tskers.

Why does this place not have an adult warning on it? With such awful language, you really need to warn people this place is meant for mature audiences. Some readers have children, don’t you know.”

Like who? I would not know anything about having children. Form letter time.

Right turn, Clyde.

Thank you for visiting M3. Whilst your concern has been duly noted, the occasional use of profanity on the blog in no way qualifies it for an adult warning label. In fact, only 0.000447% of the words on M3 are expletives. This rate of occurrence is considered incidental rather than intentional.

Additionally, the word in question is in both fact and deed the cause of children. I discovered the cause for pregnancy at a young age and repeated the process until I felt I had an adequate number of children. If you would like to shelter your children from colloquial terms for the biological function responsible for their conception, it is, of course, your prerogative. 

The children are their utmost concern, but they leave Internet web pages available unattended for long enough for a child to read to the bottom of an SEP? Better still, I love they are so inept they miss the orangutan flipping them off long before they got there. Apparently, they cannot be offended by profanity in sign language (wicked note to self…).

Double Dose

MantraTwo poems on M3 this week broached the subject of death. Speed took us on a ride which ended badly. Lost in Cyberspace asked the questions we wonder about friends who turn up missing in the virtual world. Where the first contemplated the finality of choices we make, the second explored the absence of choice. If any one can tell me how they were unclear, I am all ears.

Or maybe I am all eyes. Let me introduce Ted. Hatemailing from New Mexico, he was certain I had been right about Mantra’s intentions toward me for the second poem.

No one just disappears. There is always someone who lets real friends know something has happened. If you were really friends, they would have told their family about you and someone would have known who you were. If you disappear, everybody would notice the complete lack of [expletive] on the internet.”

What a complete validation! Here is my thank you note back to Ted.

Would you please sign the following release giving me permission to use your online profile picture and quote you (with appropriate edits)? M3 is thrilled to have your endorsement of its ability to propagate quality content on the Web. We will, of course, correct your spelling of [expletive] to “content”. It is just one of the many editorial services we provide to our clients and patrons. Thank you for your support of M3! Keep reading!

Do you think anyone would miss Ted?

Just say, “NO!”

I am quite comfortable with inquiries into my sanity, after all I have papers. On the other hand, I am not so comfy with our next contestant. Jasper hatemails from Pennsylvania to inquire into the source of my imagination. In pertinent part, his hatemail read:

You really got to get help. Dont be ashamed. Lots of famous people need help. All you have to is contact these people and they can help you get over the demon.”

Just say, “Put it on my tab!”

Yes, I wanted to know what he was reading, so I went to Fast Forward to see if I could find what he was seeing. Do you see what he was seeing? Really? Oh, come on. Really? *Sigh*

Jasper was really concerned I was using bath salts or some other hallucinogen for inspiration and referred me to the St. Joseph Institute for addiction treatment and detoxification.

Follow me!

Although we have had a couple hatemailers make repeat appearances in the Friday Follies, proof positive came this week some of them must have M3 bookmarked. What brings me to that conclusion? Two things…


In Creatively Speaking, I asked for your opinion. Some of the hatemailing answers I received proved those who sent them had been around for a Friday Folly…or fourteen. Some of the suggestions included the following:

The absolute evillest. Circa 04MAY12

Circa 23MAR12

Wait for it…10FEB12

Another suggestion was more geared to the ultra-top-secret porn portion of M3 and is not suitable for mixed company, although it requires mixed company.

One hatemailer from Ontario suggested the icon for poison, whilst one from Florida thought the aftermath of a hurricane or tornado was another brilliant suggestion.


Some of the faithful M3 Readers noticed the problems on Tuesday. M3 was nearly inaccessible for most of the day, secondary to a WP login failure. Do you recall any of the following names?

Jock (From South Dakota)

John (From Tennessee)

Shanna (From Colorado)

These are three of the hatemailers who have told me I should be taken off the Internet or should stop writing altogether. You may recall Jock went so far as so hire an attorney. Guess what…

You get to guess which one of them penned the following:

Finally! Somebody has been able to shut down that God-forsaken blog! Praise Jesus. I really wish I could get in touch with whoever got your site removed so I can find out how they did it. There are about 100 more just like yours spreading lies and filth on the Internet. I am going to pray you find a job where you can’t be a danger to yourself or anyone else.”

You read the past hatemail and see if you can figure out who wrote it. Then, you get to help me pen a response! No holds barred, okay?


I hope your week has been free of hatemail, logos, profanity and drugs. Thank you for reading the 31st edition of the Friday Follies, brought to you compliments of the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere. Until next week, enjoy the company of someone furry. I am certain I will…

Isn’t he darling?

Who penned the returning hatemail? What do we need to send to tonight’s late entry? Can you help design a form letter for all the, ahem, alternative suggestions for the Redmund label?

(c) Ann Marie Dwyer 2012
Re-Blogging of this or any other post on Momma’s Money Matters 
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  1. Becky C

     /  June 30, 2012

    Jock! I had totally forgotten about how hilarious his initial hatemail was! I’d also forgotten that there is apparently an “r” in the word “heathen,” and I’ve been mispronouncing it for some time now. I’ll have to work on that.

    Is Jock so easily offended that he needs to keep an attorney on retainer? Does he not work, and just attempts to sue people for frivolous reasons? Personally, I am a religious person. To each their own. Never have I been offended by anything you’ve written. I get the complete opposite from your posts. I get encouragement & a happy feeling. Maybe that’s because I have a grasp on reality, and a sense of humor. I don’t know, but Jock really needs to lighten up.

    As for Nadia, was there a big legal agreement at the beginning of the post that read, “If you’re going to read this post, you have to swear that you’ll gather all of your small children around the computer & read this allowed to them. Otherwise, please direct your browser off of this page”? I mean, as a child, I’m sure my parents read some things with “awful language,” but they never read it to us. Ya know why? Because that’s what parents do. This isn’t a site that’s being advertised as a children’s site, so I really don’t see what her big deal is with any sort of language that is used on this site. There’s never been a vulgar post of any sort, so she should take her online trolling to another site.

    • ROFL! “Heathren”. Wasn’t he just a peach? 🙄

      I had an editor one time who routinely rejected anything which contained profanity. Her take was anything which could be said could be said without it. She received a fiction piece which was realistically set in a culture which embraces profanity. One of her eyes twitched so badly I thought it might fall out of her head. Alas, the piece would go to another house and go on to sell hundreds of thousands of copies.

      The short form is, regardless of certain towns having profanity laws, there is no standard of what is acceptable in our lexicon and what is truly profane. Words are innocent until they are used in context.

      Glad you liked this one, Becky. Great to see you. xxx

  2. Here’s what I’m wondering. Why are these folks spewing hate around? How many times has verbally beating someone up made them think, “yeah…I want to be just like my opressor. So I’m going to start thinking like them”?
    I consider myself a religious person and I’ve found you underscore a lesson of tolerance and acceptance of most things except stupidity. Keep going, Red.
    Barb recently posted..The Last Days of School Never ChangeMy Profile

    • The very first SEP here revealed my one true weakness is tolerance of stupidity. It has been repeated at routine intervals, merely as a disclaimer of sorts. I fight these censoring, oppressing trolls on every platform on the Internet. They are diverse and widespread. The biggest issue? I can control what I put onto the page…I cannot control what someone understands. Perhaps, we could give out copies of the primary school primer?

  3. You should thank the writer of the letter and inform him that you have taken his advice and are currently in the running to join a major cable news network so your lies can reach a more targeted audience.
    Bearman recently posted..Editorial Cartoon: Bully PaybacksMy Profile

    • ROFL! I was talking to Bear about the fact Redmund would be multimedia by this time next year (as in motion pictures)! HAHAHA! Can you imagine me with my own network???

  4. I sometimes wonder if there should be an IQ limit below which access to the internet would be denied..

    Hatemailers seem to have a problem with reality and cannot understand that it’s them that has the problem, not you.

    I am Christian, but I don’t feel it is my duty as a church-goer to censor the web to suit what passes inspection as my personal inadequacies.

    I have enough problems without becoming the churches internet assassin… 🙂

    You do realise that whoever penned the relief at the passing of M3 must now be chewing iron and spitting rivets because you are still on-line and his claims of a higher power obedient to his will now prove he’s Satan’s butt monkey?

    Just a thought… 🙂

    Love and hugs!

    prenin recently posted..Friday – The shopping arrives.My Profile

    • ROFL @ church’s internet assassin, but LMAO @ Satan’s butt monkey!!! Thank you, Pren! I have tears in my eyes….{HUGZ} Red.

  5. OMG RED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    seriously ……
    This is the worst bunch ever ………
    i fell off my chair – again and again …….
    JASPER OH JASPER !!!!!!!!!! “You really need help …..” why am i quoting him …lol …..
    I have some nice bath salts for him – the ones you put in the Tub and soak and clear your mind with !!!!!!! like these 🙂 OH no -==== They are discontinued Jasper !!!!!!!!! sorry
    and you got stuff from “Creatively Speaking ”
    COME ON PEOPLE !!!!!!!!!!!!!
    falls off chair again !!!!!!!!!!!

    RED your responses are whipsmart +
    Too the point as always ………..


    Love you muchly …………..
    what a night !!!!!! Phew …………

    You got strength babe ——- 🙂
    Cat Forsley recently posted..Happy weekend ! Happy almost Canada Day! xo CatMy Profile

    • *giggles* Good to see you, Mon Chat doux. I got my first PTL. You have to make yourself dizzy shaking your head at them, no? Hope you are having a fabbo weekend with your sister. Much love and Happy Canada Day tomorrow <3 Red xxx {HUGZ}

      • I Can’t stop reading Red ……
        OH NO !!!!!!
        LOVE YOU
        MY GOD – YOU ARE A SUPAH TROOPER ……!!!!!!!
        I AM SHAKING MY HEAD AND THINKING ?????????????
        Cat Forsley recently posted..Happy weekend ! Happy almost Canada Day! xo CatMy Profile

        • It is the Zombie factor. Oh, wait, you don’t know about M3’s Zombies, do you? ROFL!

          • I DON’T !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
            but will find out !!!

            Oh my goodness ……
            You need a superwoman outfit for your Profile 🙂
            seriously Red
            In awe of you xx
            Have a beautiful rest of the night and If you need a Bouncer in here – i’ll get them out ……!!!!
            Just call me …LOL 🙂 xoxoxooxoxo
            Love you xx
            Cat Forsley recently posted..Happy weekend ! Happy almost Canada Day! xo CatMy Profile

          • I think you and Andro will make a fab team of bouncers. Especially, if he brings the wolves. Have a great night. I think I am with you on the bathsalts in the tub! <3 Bonne nuit, Mon Chat doux. <3

  6. On the upside: Jasper called you famous.
    Lorre recently posted..Michael Jackson: Newly Released Phone Call from 1995My Profile

  7. Evidently your blog brings out feelings people didn’t even know they had. I mean, to get a lawyer to help shut down a blog leads me to believe that this follower is way out to sea with no hope of ever finding land again. I also found myself having to read that comment about children a few times. There is just no logic there. I guess I should stop trying to find it.
    Derek Mansker recently posted..I don’t know it all, but I do know Jesus.My Profile

    • Probably advisable. Burning up enough brain cells to be able to understand some of them is dangerous to your ability to still be able to breathe…

  8. Hey has anyone heard from Ted in a while??? I fear he may be missing…
    I need inspiration for more comic ideas, can I borrow your bath salts Red???
    Tony McGurk recently posted..Bottle HeadMy Profile

    • Sure, but the only ones I have at the moment are vanilla/cinnamon and honey strawberry.

  9. My wit is out to lunch right now, but it looks like you had a lot of offerings here to choose from :).
    Angela Young recently posted..The Writers Journey: A Book BeginsMy Profile

    • LOL! Indeed. Lots of really fun responses. I love the ideas from the M3 Readers. You are all the tops.

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