It is Friday night, and unless you have been off of the Internet for…ever…you know what that means. Time for Friday Follies because the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere is open. Warning: Do not read this with anything liquid in your mouth. Some users add…or your bladder.
The morality police came out in force over last week’s SEP. No, they were not bemoaning all the porn images and text. Well, not the images at least. What were knickers in a knot over? Let’s let Nadia explain it to you. Hatemailing from Rhode Island, she has been nominated spokes(wo)man for the gaggle of gawkers and tskers.
Why does this place not have an adult warning on it? With such awful language, you really need to warn people this place is meant for mature audiences. Some readers have children, don’t you know.”
Like who? I would not know anything about having children. Form letter time.
Thank you for visiting M3. Whilst your concern has been duly noted, the occasional use of profanity on the blog in no way qualifies it for an adult warning label. In fact, only 0.000447% of the words on M3 are expletives. This rate of occurrence is considered incidental rather than intentional.
Additionally, the word in question is in both fact and deed the cause of children. I discovered the cause for pregnancy at a young age and repeated the process until I felt I had an adequate number of children. If you would like to shelter your children from colloquial terms for the biological function responsible for their conception, it is, of course, your prerogative.
The children are their utmost concern, but they leave Internet web pages available unattended for long enough for a child to read to the bottom of an SEP? Better still, I love they are so inept they miss the orangutan flipping them off long before they got there. Apparently, they cannot be offended by profanity in sign language (wicked note to self…).
Two poems on M3 this week broached the subject of death. Speed took us on a ride which ended badly. Lost in Cyberspace asked the questions we wonder about friends who turn up missing in the virtual world. Where the first contemplated the finality of choices we make, the second explored the absence of choice. If any one can tell me how they were unclear, I am all ears.
Or maybe I am all eyes. Let me introduce Ted. Hatemailing from New Mexico, he was certain I had been right about Mantra’s intentions toward me for the second poem.
No one just disappears. There is always someone who lets real friends know something has happened. If you were really friends, they would have told their family about you and someone would have known who you were. If you disappear, everybody would notice the complete lack of [expletive] on the internet.”
What a complete validation! Here is my thank you note back to Ted.
Would you please sign the following release giving me permission to use your online profile picture and quote you (with appropriate edits)? M3 is thrilled to have your endorsement of its ability to propagate quality content on the Web. We will, of course, correct your spelling of [expletive] to “content”. It is just one of the many editorial services we provide to our clients and patrons. Thank you for your support of M3! Keep reading!
Do you think anyone would miss Ted?
Just say, “NO!”
I am quite comfortable with inquiries into my sanity, after all I have papers. On the other hand, I am not so comfy with our next contestant. Jasper hatemails from Pennsylvania to inquire into the source of my imagination. In pertinent part, his hatemail read:
You really got to get help. Dont be ashamed. Lots of famous people need help. All you have to is contact these people and they can help you get over the demon.”
Yes, I wanted to know what he was reading, so I went to Fast Forward to see if I could find what he was seeing. Do you see what he was seeing? Really? Oh, come on. Really? *Sigh*
Jasper was really concerned I was using bath salts or some other hallucinogen for inspiration and referred me to the St. Joseph Institute for addiction treatment and detoxification.
Although we have had a couple hatemailers make repeat appearances in the Friday Follies, proof positive came this week some of them must have M3 bookmarked. What brings me to that conclusion? Two things…
In Creatively Speaking, I asked for your opinion. Some of the hatemailing answers I received proved those who sent them had been around for a Friday Folly…or fourteen. Some of the suggestions included the following:
Another suggestion was more geared to the ultra-top-secret porn portion of M3 and is not suitable for mixed company, although it requires mixed company.
One hatemailer from Ontario suggested the icon for poison, whilst one from Florida thought the aftermath of a hurricane or tornado was another brilliant suggestion.
Some of the faithful M3 Readers noticed the problems on Tuesday. M3 was nearly inaccessible for most of the day, secondary to a WP login failure. Do you recall any of the following names?
Jock (From South Dakota)
John (From Tennessee)
Shanna (From Colorado)
These are three of the hatemailers who have told me I should be taken off the Internet or should stop writing altogether. You may recall Jock went so far as so hire an attorney. Guess what…
You get to guess which one of them penned the following:
Finally! Somebody has been able to shut down that God-forsaken blog! Praise Jesus. I really wish I could get in touch with whoever got your site removed so I can find out how they did it. There are about 100 more just like yours spreading lies and filth on the Internet. I am going to pray you find a job where you can’t be a danger to yourself or anyone else.”
You read the past hatemail and see if you can figure out who wrote it. Then, you get to help me pen a response! No holds barred, okay?
I hope your week has been free of hatemail, logos, profanity and drugs. Thank you for reading the 31st edition of the Friday Follies, brought to you compliments of the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere. Until next week, enjoy the company of someone furry. I am certain I will…
Who penned the returning hatemail? What do we need to send to tonight’s late entry? Can you help design a form letter for all the, ahem, alternative suggestions for the Redmund label?